Loss
by pinkstrangegirl
Summary: In response to a challenge from A'tuin on Stealthy Stories forum. The mind is the terriblest force in the world, father, because, in chief, it, only, can defend, against itself. At its mercy, we depend, upon it.  Wallace Stevens, US Poet.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Donatello glanced at the clock on his lab wall. Just after 11pm. He sighed and thankfully put down the soldering iron he had been using to fix Mikey's PSP – again. He leaned back in his work chair and stretched out his cramped muscles, noting as he did so that his neck and shoulder muscles were more than a little sore. _Must have __overworked__ them during practice this morning_, he mused, as he picked up a screwdriver to put the long-suffering game console back together.

_Crash!_ Don awoke with a start as something landed on the table in front of him, scattering odd components, left over from fixing Mike's PSP. _When did I fall asleep?_, he wondered, then caught sight of what had caused the crash. A motorcycle wing mirror, looking _very _worse for wear. Don sighed, "Hey, Raph" and turned to face the perpetrator of the noise.

"Hey Donnie, sort that out for us will ya?" Raph grinned, and went to walk out of the lab.

"Wait a minute, what happened?!" Don exclaimed incredulously, as he picked up the battered wing mirror. Raph paused in the doorway, turned back to Don.

"Oh, nothin' much, just ran into a little trouble with a bunch a' Dragons"

"Define 'a little trouble'. In terms of how much damage caused." Don pinched the bridge between his eyes, the headache he had woken up with making itself more insistent.

"Not much! It shouldn't take ya too long ta fix. Just… get it done by tomorrow night, yeah? Actually – "Raph broke off and looked at the clock "I guess it's now 'tonight'. I've got me some payback to give" He smacked his fist into his hand for emphasis.

Don groaned, and took a look at the clock himself. Coming up on 4.30am. _Great, like this couldn't have waited a couple more hours_.

"Why- oh …never mind." He looked away from Raph, focusing on the mirror in his hands instead. He really didn't feel like getting into an argument with Raph at this time in the morning. Plus he could guess the reason why. Relationships between Leo and Raph had been a lot better since the whole Winters affair, and Raph obviously wanted to keep it that way. Which meant it wasn't probably a good idea if Leo found out about this little escapade. _I guess I could use this time before practice to get the bike repaired. It's not like I'm gonna have a lot of spare time later._ He inwardly cringed at how much work he had lined up, not to mention he still needed to put in a few hours on his tech-support job sometime today.

Don stood up, and immediately felt the room move around him. Grabbing the edge of the work table to steady himself, the dizzy spell was over as quickly as it came. _Ooh, __head rush. Stood up too fast._ Guiltily, he looked towards the doorway but luckily Raph had made his escape, and had disappeared off to his room.

Troubles between him and Raph had not been completely straightened out yet, Raph was still being kind of distant to Don. It had been going on ever since Don got stuck with the leadership mantle when Leo left, and now that normalcy had returned Don had no idea how to fix things between them. It didn't help that they had so little in common nowadays.

He was not surprised Raph hadn't stuck around to chat. Picking up his toolkit, Don made his way to the elevator to the warehouse.

_

* * *

__I don't believe it!_ Don thought in shock, as he caught sight of Raph's bike when he exited the elevator. Raph's definition of 'not much damage' could use re-evaluation, to say the least. In addition to the mirror being missing from the right hand side, the side- and head lights were shattered; the body work was smashed in and the exhaust was hanging on by sheer will power from the looks of things. Don gave a long suffering sigh, put the toolkit down and set to work. 

Sometime later, Don finished screwing the head lamp back into place. He had replaced the bulb but had no spare glass to replace the broken bits, but he doubted that would bother Raph. At least the bike would function well enough to deal out his 'payback'. He replaced the screwdriver in his toolkit, and pushed himself up from the bike. As he did so, he was hit with another wave of dizziness, and he stumbled and dropped to one knee. He rested his now painfully aching head against the bike's leather seat, and willed the room to stop moving.

_Okay, really _not_ feeling well now._ Don lifted his head cautiously, his stomach queasy from the dizziness, and tried standing again. He felt weak, but no dizziness this time. _I guess this headache might be throwing off my __inner __balance._ Don kicked the toolbox to the side of the warehouse, thinking that he'd move it later- when he didn't feel like he was going to vomit._ Oh, crap, what time is it?!_ He hurriedly looked at the clock on the wall, wincing as the fast movement made drums beat in his head. _Oh my god, practice started five minutes ago!_ Don made his way unsteadily to the elevator door.

_

* * *

_Heads turned as the dojo door opened and Donatello sidled in. His brothers were in their usual positions in front of their master. Leo and Raph both looked frustrated, probably with Don, but Mikey just looked bored. Splinter was facing them, looking at Don with a frown on his face, his tail twitching irritably. 

"Sorry Sensei. I … was … was" Don broke off and frowned. Looked around him like he was seeing the dojo for the first time. He shook his head slightly, and then winced. "I was… what was I saying?" Splinter's frown immediately softened into a look of concern. Leo stared at Donnie intensely, not saying anything, and Raph raised his eye ridges. "You were explaining why you are late to practice. My son, are you feeling alright?"

"I was…?" Don blinked in the bright light of the dojo, and looked towards his brothers apologetically, then seemed to register the question his Sensei had asked. "I'm okay… just a bad headache…umm... I think I need to…." He wavered, steadying himself against the wall, and Splinter and Leo were next to him in an instant, Mikey and Raph exchanging glances and looking on worriedly.

"Donnie, you OK?" Leo was peering concernedly into Don's face. Don's eyes were a bit glassy, and his face was a much paler shade of olive green than was usual. "mmm.. wha'?" Don blinked, and put a hand to his head.

"My son, I feel you had better return to your bed and get some rest. I will come and see how you are feeling after morning practice" Splinter looked on as Don didn't even bother to argue, he just walked falteringly out of the dojo door. Splinter sighed. He knew his son well enough to know Donatello wouldn't have gone without a fight, unless he really wasn't feeling up to much. "I will see to you shortly, my son" he called after him. Leo was watching Don carefully as he walked away, and made to follow him.

"Leonardo, take your place please" Splinter instructed.

Leo and Raph exchanged glances of concern, but Leo, never one to disobey a direct order from Splinter, lined up next to Raph and Mikey, and the morning's practice began.

_

* * *

_Don trudged slowly through the living area, intent on making his way to his room. He was a bit unsure exactly what had happened in the dojo, he had had an excuse all prepared, and suddenly it was like someone had reached into his brain and removed it without a trace. _My head sure feels woolly though…_he thought distractedly. 

He was walking by the couch at this point, and sat down for a moment to collect his thoughts. He was discovering now that his body was feeling like all the energy had been sapped, and his shoulder and neck muscles were now constantly aching. Don realised that he had felt like this earlier, but not so severe. _Pulling __frequent __all-nighters __I guess I'm so just used to ignoring the tiredness, I don't think anything of it now_. Shivering slightly, Don leaned forward and put his face in his hands as another wave of dizziness and nausea washed over him. Thinking that he'd better move to his bed after all, Don stood – or tried to.

He hadn't truly realised how weak he had was, and he pitched forward onto his knees instead, head pounding more violently than ever. Bile rose in his throat as the nausea became worse. Feebly, he tried to stand again, but his legs didn't seem to want to co-operate, as he just ended up sprawled face down on the cold living room floor. He felt so drained all of a sudden… and the overhead light was too bright… it was hurting his eyes. _I'll just close my eyes for second__…__the light hurts… just__ rest__ them…__ and then I'll get up…_

And then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to those who have reviewed so far! This is my try at a TMNT fic, so any comments, con crit etc gratefully appreciated. **

**Those who are following the story, I will be a bit longer in updating Chapter Three as I have to go away for a work thing for a few days. grumble**

**Disclaimer (Forgot this Earlier) – I DO NOT OWN SAID TMNT. If I owned TMNT there would have been a LOT more Donnie and Mikey in the 2007 Movie. ;)**

**Chapter Two**

"Okay my students, that is enough for today" Splinter instructed, and two of the three brothers before him relaxed. The four of them sat in circle, meditating on their last training session. His sons had improved much on their teamwork with each other over the last few weeks, and Splinter was pleased of this.

He was all too aware of the problems that had plagued his family while his eldest was gone; it had broken his heart to see his three younger sons at odds so often.

Donatello accepted the role of leader, and tried his hardest to keep Raph and Mikey in line, but perhaps at the same time he had forgotten how to still be a brother. Splinter watched from the sidelines, as Don grew stand-offish and withdrawn when he realised that Raph and Mikey refused to take his directions with good grace.

Splinter knew that he had placed a large burden on Donatello, and that Don had undergone a lot of stress dealing with the extra responsibilities of both his job, and his new role in the family.

And months later, the two that had suffered the most while Leo was away were still suffering.

Considering Leo and Raph's problems, it was as if that night on the rooftops all those weeks ago had reset the clock to before Leo had left, at least with regard to how Raph was acting towards him. It seemed that Raph was dealing with the guilt and the… _awkwardness_ between them the same way he dealt with everything, by _not_ dealing with it, as if he ignored it, the issue would just go away. And Leo was letting him, perhaps afraid of opening a big can of worms.

Splinter savoured the thought of his family back together - whole – too much to interfere. But he knew soon that he would have to.

But at the moment he wished he could get the two more _physical_ members of the team to try to take this spiritual part of the training more sincerely.

"You would do well to focus more on your meditation and less on what you are having for breakfast" he admonished, as a rumble came from Mikey's stomach.

Shooting a look in Raphael's direction, he added "And _more_ focus can be gained when the meditating party has _not_ been awake for most of the previous night"

Mikey at least had the grace to look sheepish, whereas Raph merely grunted noncommittally. At their Sensei's nod of dismissal, Raph and Mikey immediately stood and stretched their muscles, cramped after sitting still in one position for so long. Leo followed suit after bowing his head to his Sensei.

"Ooh breakfast!" Mikey's mind already focused elsewhere "The meal of champions! Come on, Raphie boy, I've got a hankering for some pancakes, and lots and lots of syrup! You in?" Mikey bumped his shoulder into Raph's, nearly knocking the practically sleep-walking turtle over.

Masking a yawn with his hand, Raph shrugged his indifference. Workouts did go some way to waking Raph up, but to him meditation was too close to sleeping to notice the difference.

"Sure, why not?" rolling his eyes, he trailed after Mikey, out into the living area. Leo meanwhile caught Splinter's attention, as he picked up the meditation mats, and stacked them in the corner of the dojo.

"Are you going to see how Donnie is doing, Sensei?" He asked, uneasy. During his time away, Leo had discovered that his sixth sense, the awareness of his surroundings was becoming finely tuned. He could now relate to the 'feelings' that his Sensei occasionally got from time to time, the ones that enabled him to, not exactly guess, but all the same _know_ if there was a problem. It had certainly helped them in the past. And now it seemed as if Leo had inherited the same trait.

Leo knew, for example, something was decidedly wrong with his brother. It was unlike Don to miss practice, especially for something innocuous as a headache. That moment earlier, it had unsettled Leo more than he would have liked to admit.

Donatello was the one that was always so _incisive_. To hear him stumble over his words, when he normally spoke with such confidence, that look of confusion in those usually intensely focused eyes- well, it was unnerving.

It wasn't like his brother at all.

"Yes, Leonardo. Please do your brother a favour by making up some of my herbal medicine for headaches, while I go check if he is-"

"Master Splinter! _Master Splinter!!_" Splinter was interrupted by Mikey bolting back into the dojo with panic etched on his features, tears visibly evident in his eyes. "It's Donnie!" He choked out, dragging Splinter, he ran back into the living room, Leo following close behind.

* * *

As Splinter entered the living area, his attention immediately caught Raphael kneeling next to the prone figure of his brother, who was lying face down on the floor. He had his hand on Don's shell 

"He's burning up…" His eyes flicked to his Sensei and Leo. "He's unconscious… I can't get him to wake!"

Splinter knelt next to Raphael and laid his hand on Don's head. He drew his hand back almost immediately, shocked at the high temperature he felt.

"Michelangelo, fetch a towel, and wet it with cold water. Raphael, help me move him to the couch" Mike scampered away, and Raph carefully turned Don onto his shell, to make him easier to lift. As he did so, Don let out a small moan.

"My son…?" Splinter held out a hand, and Raph hesitated, but Don was non-forthcoming.

Raph swallowed hard, then scooped his arms under Don's knees and shoulders and lifted him on to the couch. He removed his arm from under Don's knees, and snagged one of the tattered cushions strewn on the floor where Mike had left them. Gently, he placed said cushion under Don's head and shoulders, in place of his other arm.

Mike returned with a sopping wet towel, which Splinter proceeded to wring out and place across Don's head and neck, kneeling next the couch as he did so. Don shifted a little, and as he did this, Splinter noticed something.

Across Don's biceps was a smattering of small, dark purplish-brown… spots? Splinter ran his fingers over them but they didn't feel raised. More like freckles? Letting his eyes wander over his son, he noticed more down his side, on the sensitive part, where shell met plastron, and even more on his thighs. Unlike measles, or chicken pox, he was sure. Caring for four young sons, turtle or no, does tend to teach you a few things about childhood diseases.

"Mmmh…. Hu'?" Don's eye's blinked open, but remained unfocused. Tried to lift his head, but couldn't seem to muster the energy.

"My son… How are you feeling?" Splinter undid the purple bandana from around Don's eyes and stroked his temple gently with the back of his hand.

Leo had moved to the other side of the couch, and was leaning over the back, studying Don's face. His brother's eyes had an odd glitter, too bright with the fever, and that look of confusion that worried him so much was back.

"Donnie….?" He said quietly, so as not to jar Don's aching head. Don's head jerked a little towards him. "… 'm 'k" he managed to rasp out. "...hot…" he swallowed audibly.

"… Head hurts… …hugnh…" Abruptly, he pitched over the side of the couch and retched, Splinter catching and holding Don by the shoulder to stop him planting himself face down on the floor again.

Raphael, who had moved aside to allow Splinter access, grimaced at the sounds of Don emptying his stomach. Behind him he heard Mike's whispered "Ewww…"

When he sure Donatello had finished, Splinter gently lay his son back down, and used the towel to wipe his flushed face. Don seemed have be having trouble keeping his eyes open, as he focused on his Sensei for the first time through half-lidded eyes.

"Master…. I don't… feel so good" He closed his eyes tightly, as if in pain. "…too hot…" he breathed.

" too brigh'..."

"Too bright?" Leo echoed, and looked around at the semi-lit living area. Don didn't respond. Leo looked back to his brother. Judging from his limp posture, he had passed out again. It pained Leo to hear the laboured breaths coming from his brother, as he carefully watched the rise and fall of his chest.

"I believe we should move him to my room" Splinter rose to his feet "I don't think he should try to sleep in that high bed of his. Raphael, will you help me again, please? Leonardo, clean up this mess", indicating where Don had been ill.

"Michelangelo, I would have you call Miss O'Neil, and ask if she would come down here. We may need pharmaceuticals, and other supplies" _Not to mention I would like a second opinion on what ails Donatello_ he added silently. He confessed to himself that having another adult to consult with would make him feel better too.

This illness had come on too sudden to be mere a bout of 'flu or other common sickness, and the fast progression was worrying Splinter a lot. However, he did not wish to burden his already anxious sons with additional worries, until he had gained another opinion.

Mike nodded assent, and grabbed his shell cell off the coffee table to make the call.

* * *

"So, he's sleeping now?" April sat on the couch recently vacated by Donatello, opposite Leo and Splinter. Raph was making his anxiety known by the way he was pacing up and down behind where April was sitting. Mikey was currently sat at Don's side in his master's room. He had yet to wake up again. 

"Yes. He has been since we moved him into my room" Splinter sighed, and he looked towards the doorway, beyond which Don lay.

"I concede my ignorance here. Donatello's symptoms do not add up to much. Fever and an extremely high temperature are not unusual symptoms; neither is a headache, and nausea. They are very much like symptoms for every common illness. Yes, they are more severe than most, but Donatello has always been the one to succumb to illness harder than the others." Here he looked at Leo, and continued. "I just feel… something is not right with this." Leo nodded silent agreement.

"May I see him?" April stood up, looking questioningly at Splinter.

"Of course Miss O'Neil. Go on through" Splinter stood as well and waved her towards his room, stepping after her.

Moving to the doorway, April peered into the room, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. "Why is it so dark in here?"

"He complained the light was too bright" She had directed the question to Splinter, but Mikey answered her. He turned his head from the constant vigil he was keeping over his brother, and looked at her sadly. The expression of worry on his usually care-free face broke April's heart. "Hey April" he tried, and failed, to give her a welcoming smile.

"Hey Mike. Any change?" Mike shook his head, and April heard Splinter give a sigh behind her. She moved near to the bed and sat down next to Donatello's feverish form. Reached out and placed her hand on his forehead.

"High temp…" She muttered. She couldn't see Don's expression in this half-light, but she could hear his breathing. It seemed too fast, almost panting. She reached across and snapped on the bed-side lamp. What it illuminated was a sorry sight indeed.

Don was shivering, but he seemed to be sweating at the same time. His face was a ghastly grey-green, and appeared to be frozen in a wrinkled frown of pain. Unconsciously, he turned his head away from the light. As he moved, April saw a smattering of a purplish-brown rash on the left side of his face.

"I noticed that before" April jumped; she hadn't heard Splinter move next to her. "It seems to have spread considerably, in such a short time" He frowned, whiskers twitching.

Leaning closer, April examined the rash. This was jogging something in her memory. Reaching out, she ran her thumb firmly over the freckle-like spots. Don's skin turned pale green following the pressure of her thumb, then went back to the original colour, however the spots did not change. Drawing in a breath and letting it out slowly, she tried to think.

"What is it, April?" Mikey had been watching April deliberately. April was about to answer when Don opened his eyes at the sound of her name.

"Don!" she smiled gently at him. Don just looked through her. April's smile faltered a little. "How do you feel?" she queried, and shared a look with Splinter when Don didn't acknowledge her.

Don shifted a little on his shell, rocked a bit. He seemed to be trying to turn over.

"He prefers to sleep on his front" Mikey whispered reproachfully at Splinter, who shook his head.

"I know, my son, but when Raphael and I placed him that position it seemed to cause him more pain" He looked regretfully at Donatello struggling, and retrieved the damp towel that had become dislodged during Don's efforts to make himself more comfortable. Splinter rinsed out the cloth in the bowl in Mikey's lap, and tenderly stroked his son's forehead with it. Don's movements slowed, and stopped. His eyes were closed again. With a heavy heart, April turned the lamp off again, and pushed herself up from the bed.

"April, you know what wrong with Don?" Leo's voice came from the doorway, where he had been standing the whole time, unbeknownst to those in the room, except perhaps Splinter. He had watched April's examination of Don, and was hopeful she knew what to do next. As much as he hated to admit it, he was totally clueless.

Normally in such a situation he would be turning to Don right about now, but now… Leo was guiltily reminded just how much he always relied on Don for all the answers to things like this.

"I need to do some research first" She replied, avoiding the question, stepping past Leo "These symptoms remind me of something… I just want to be sure first… Do you think I could use Don's PC?"

"Sure April, anything" Leo stopped himself from saying any more. Looking back into his father's bedroom at Don's decumbent form, he added "Just tell me what's wrong with my brother"


	3. Chapter 3

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Teoryn –**** T****hanks for such a encouraging review,**** it really helped.**** I hope this ****chapter ****doesn't disappoint too much.**

**FF Demon – Bwhahaha! I am a major Donnie fan, but I love being evil to him. Is that wrong? Hee!**

**Windwalker ****– ****I think ****this chapter answers**** your question****/ guess**

**I really had a hard time writing this chapter, and to be honest I'm still not sure about it. I figured I'd post and see what you guys thought. So any con crit gratefully appreciated.**

**Disclaimer – I wish I did, but I don't. Humph.**

* * *

Pain. That was he what he was most aware of. The feeling that the top of his head had been levered open and acid had been poured into it. Even a small movement sent flashes of agony ricocheting around his skull, which meant he _couldn't_ move, not even a little. Not without feeling like he wanted to scream and rip his own brain out with his bare hands. Never at all in his short life had he experienced an excruciating agony like this before. 

He was boiling in his shell, too hot - much too hot.

On fire. That's what it felt like. Burning up. Too hot…

He knew that this was bad, very bad….

He couldn't _focus - _couldn't centre his mind. He felt like he was adrift from his own intelligence. It was like swimming through fog. Every time he _almost_ got a grasp on it, it slipped away from him. He was aware, barely, vaguely, of someone sitting near him - next to him?

He heard voices, murmurs in the background; a name he thought he recognised, and then… were they addressing him?

It had taken a great effort to open his eyes; they had felt as heavy as lead. And they didn't appear to be working too good… he couldn't make out more than blurs. More murmurs… but they didn't make sense to his fractured mind… his master's voice!

He felt a moment's elation for remembering that, and then felt it ebb away as he lost the train of thought that had led him to it. Slowly, he felt himself sinking into a well of darkness and fog, but as he slipped away he could feel gentle hands brushing his forehead with a cooling cloth. _Father…?_

* * *

_I can't sit here and do nothin'!_ Raphael thought to himself as he sat at the table, occasionally throwing a glance towards where April was sitting at Don's PC opposite the dining area. She had been there for an hour now, just flicking through various websites. Now and then she would make notes on a pad to her right.

For the fifth time in that hour, Raph stood and began pacing around the lair, his infuriation at the helplessness he was feeling evident in the vigorous stomping of his feet. Into the living area. Around behind April, where he tried yet again to see what she was reading about, to no avail. Across to the other side, near Master Splinter's room, where he hesitated- again.

He was wrestling with himself, trying to decide whether to stick his head in there or not. _But Mikey and Master Splinter are more than capable of caring for Don_. After hovering there for a minute or two, Raph let out a sigh and started his lap again.

Raph had never been one to sit back and let things take their course. This feeling of uselessness was getting to him – a lot. As he stalked around on his third lap of the lair, he found his thoughts centring on his brother lying in the next room.

* * *

Raph was trying to remember the last time Don had been ill, and he couldn't come up with anything more recent than when he had been infected with Bishop's outbreak virus. _Surely that can't be__ it? That was almost 3 years ago.__ Don always was the__ first __one to come down with all the colds 'n shit __ever __since we were little kids!__ I can't believe he's made it through 3 winters__ without__ even a sniffle! __It can't be that __Don__ is __never __sick._

_Maybe_, the idea hit Raph, _he never _complains_ about being sick_. Stopping for the umpteenth time outside Splinter's door, he recalled back to before Don was in the throes of the outbreak virus, back when Don had been fighting that annoying cold for _weeks._ Don hadn't alluded to it after the first few days, and not one person had the consideration, or maybe just not the awareness, to question why it was taking so long to throw off. In retrospect, it was painstakingly obvious that Don had been feeling rotten the whole time. But in that present no one had noticed. _Raphael_ hadn't noticed.

Staring at the wooden door to his master's room without actually seeing it, Raph felt a twisting in his gut as he realised that history might be repeating itself. Raph dreaded to think how long Don had been feeling rough this time, without him realising. Heaving another sigh, he tried to put off the thought, but it wouldn't stop eating away at him.

_It's not my fault!_ He shouted in his own head, arguing with his conscience._ You barely even see Don of late, him barricaded in his room! I'm not psychic! If he locks himself away…_ Raph was trying to avoid the niggling issue that he _had_ been kind of staying away from Don lately.

Raph was still a little shamefaced about how he had been around Don while Leo wasn't here, and truth was he really wasn't totally sure how to go about fixing this distance between them.

Don had kind of _retreated_ since, well since about a few months after Leo left. He only appeared for meals, and then only when Mikey went and practically dragged him out by his bandana. He seemed to have given up trying to lead Raph and Mike altogether. _Not that we made it easy for him_, Raph grimaced, and then shook his head trying to rid himself of the guilt trip. Anyway, it was easier to get angry at Don.

_Hell__, it's his problem not mine! __He's the one that shut himself off, acting all aloof and stand-offish, and too damn good to lead us! Why should I make the first move? __Don's the fix-it guy, not me_! And _that_ thought sent another pang of guilt shooting into his gut as it made him recall the reason Don had been late to practice this morning.

_Shit!_ _He probably stayed up the rest of the night fixin' my damn bike! Oh, hell, Don I didn't mean for ya to slog ya' self to death!_

Scowling, he mentally tried to shrug off this feeling of self-reproach. This wasn't his fault! _No! It's s__tupid__! It__'s your fault__ Don,__ for not taking care of __y__a' self__ better_. _Some genius!_ _Staying up all night__, working __ya' self__ to exhaustion. And for what! M__aking a martyr of __ya' self__? So we'll all feel sorry for ya?__…__ So we feel_ _bad…._ His mind was ranting again; working himself up into a rage to attempt to block out the misgivings that Don and his illness was giving him, but that hot feeling of guilt still plagued him. He knew in his heart that Don would never intentionally play the martyr card.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Raph recollected back to Don's room this morning, when he had walked in and realised Don had fallen asleep at his desk – again. What had Raph done? Not woken Don up and pushed him towards his bed. Not picked his sleeping brother up and _placed _him in bed. _No_, he had made Don jump awake and start fixing that damned shell cycle when it could have easily waited till after breakfast.

_Yeah, okay, that would have meant Leo finding out about mine and Casey's little run-in with the Purple Dragons, but so friggin' what…_

Here Raph's train of thought jumped the tracks and began bearing down on another little niggle that wouldn't stay squashed. Raph closed his eyes for a second at his own obliviousness. Don must have _known_ things still weren't 100 percent perfect with Raph and Leo. Could Don have tried to cover up Raph's 'indiscretion' so two of his brothers wouldn't fall out again? Lord knows he must be fed up to the back teeth with Raph's attitude problems with his brothers.

Raph remembered some of the 'conversations' (read: full blown shouting matches) between Raph and Don while Leo was out of the picture. He recalled how _defeated_ Don would look after Raph blatantly ignored him and went topside, or when Mikey laughed and made fun of his leader shtick - maybe Don'd got to thinking he'd do anything for a quiet life?

Raph sighed, and dragged a hand down his face. _Who knows what's going on in that head of his sometimes?_

Though he would never admit it, especially to Don, Raph was more than a little in awe of Don's capacity for picking up on small details, such as Raph's problem with Leo. He definitely hadn't said anything to him regarding that.

_In fact_, and here Raph gave a derisive laugh,_ I haven't said anything to Don about anything much recently_.

Raph and Leo were kind of stuck in a holding pattern which neither of them wanted to break. But Don must have figured it out.

Consciously, he steered his mind away from the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions he was experiencing, and fingered his sai.

Raph idly reflected just how much Don saw, and never spoke about. Still waters run deep, Master Splinter declared occasionally, and Raph had to wonder just how deep Donatello's thoughts really went.

"You going in, or are you gonna stand there all morning?" Leo's voice cut through his thoughts. _Damn,_ _he's gotten even better at that ninja stealth thing since he's been gone_.

Trying not to show he'd been taken by surprise, he turned around to face his elder brother standing behind him. Leo gave him a half-smile, and sneaked a glance over to the wall where April sat.

"Dunno yet. You finished meditating already?" Raph somehow wasn't that amazed. It was hard to keep your mind focused when your brother is lying unconscious in the other room.

"Yeah, can't really concentrate. I keep thinking-" Leo sighed, and looked down at his hands. "Guilty conscious, I guess. I do tend to… forget about him recently" He turned away from Raph abruptly and moved to the dining area, where he sat and placed his head in his hands. Raph looked at him quizzically, and following him sat down in the opposite chair.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's just… He is always so quiet-" Leo began, but Raph interrupted with a smirk "He's _always _been quiet, Leo! He's Don." Leo shook his head while still resting it in his hands, looking at the table top.

"Since I came back, it's like he isn't here. He spends all his time alone in his room working on that darn tech line, or on some project; he barely appears for meals even! When was the last time you saw him?"

"Last night, actually…" But Leo had started; a damn had broken, and the flood wasn't going to finish until he had got what was on his mind off his chest.

"Don't think I haven't noticed that he has been avoiding you and Mikey! And, yeah okay he does talk to me, but politely, like I'm a person on the other end of his phone line, not his brother!" Leo looked at Raph, and Raph saw the guilty expression on his face.

"Do you think he hates me for leaving? He never said anything… when I came back late."

Raph looked at his eldest brother with barely concealed astonishment. He had never seen Leo act like this before. Worried? Of course he'd seen him worried, but still he'd always had a plan of action, and a veneer of confidence. Now, his face looked so pleading, so _vulnerable_ and ashamed.

Who knew Fearless was thinking the same thoughts as Raph? Leo thought _he_ was the reason Don had all but withdrawn from the whole family. _Little does _he_ know…_

Raph couldn't voice that thought, obviously. He couldn't let Leo know how awful he had been to Don, and Mikey too while he'd been away. He didn't want to fall out with Leo again, not so soon after finally putting all… those problems behind them.

"No." He said eventually. "Don doesn't hate you. You know Don, he don't bare grudges." Leo didn't look convinced.

"I don't know. I don't know what's been going through his mind-"

"Who does? Really?" Raph interrupted, but this time in all seriousness, however Leo was still ignoring his interruptions.

"It's just been easier, really, to let things go on as they have been. And Don kinda got put out of my thoughts. Who knows how long he's been feeling like that, and not told anyone? Wait a minute-" Leo backtracked "You saw him last night? What was he doing?"

"Raph? Leo?" April's voice interrupted them. They turned to face her, and Raph was not encouraged by the look on her face. Making his way over to the PC, he came to stand next to her right shoulder, and took a look at the screen. She seemed to be accessing an online medical encyclopaedia. Without meeting Raph's eyes, April gestured for him to read what was on the screen.

**Symptoms and Diagnosis**

**No matter what the cause, the symptoms of meningitis are always similar and usually develop rapidly, often over the course of a few hours. Nearly all patients with meningitis experience vomiting, high fever, and a stiff neck. Meningitis may also cause severe headache, back pain, muscle aches, sensitivity of the eyes to light, drowsiness, confusion, and even loss of consciousness. Some children have convulsions. In infants, the symptoms of meningitis are often more difficult to detect and may include irritability, lethargy, and loss of appetite. Most patients with meningococcal meningitis develop a rash of red, pinprick spots on the skin. The spots do not turn white when pressed, and they quickly grow to look like purple bruises.**

"Meningitis? But… but that's really… bad. Isn't it?" Raph looked sideways at April, internally begging her to contradict him. Leo had taken a stance the other side of April and was just finishing reading what was on the screen.

"Yes, it can be. But there are different types, and without a-" Here April broke off and looked at her notes. "A lumber puncture, we can't know for sure which version Don might have. Viral and Bacteria are the most common and Viral isn't usually fatal…" April finally met Raph's eyes.

"Why do I feel a 'but' comin' on" Raph felt his throat constricting, making it hard to swallow. He concentrated on his right arm, which was leaning on the workstation, and fiddled with the wristband, not trusting himself to look at anyone else.

"The bacterial version can be… fatal. Especially if not treated straight away."

Raph took a deep breath, and let it out. Then took another. And another. He looked up at April finally "Okay, okay. What do we need to do again? To see if Don's got that …bad one"

He couldn't say fatal. He _couldn't_. The possibility that Don could… die? _No way in hell. Don would never let a little bug get the better of him. _Raph thought with conviction.

"Umm. Well, usually bacterial meningitis is confirmed by a lumber puncture, as I said. Er, it's a spinal tap. A doctor sticks a needle into your spine and draws out fluid, which they test for bacteria and other things. Unfortunately, it's not something available to you guys" April inwardly cursed the fact that her best friends were denied the standard medical care that she herself was eligible to. She spared a worried glance to Leo, who hadn't said anything yet, just stood there studying the screen, apparently thinking.

"There are clues though. The symptoms are fairly similar for each version, but a few of the websites agree that the symptoms for meningococcal meningitis include a rash of red pinprick spots on the skin, which don't turn white when pressed" At Raph's blank look she realised he hadn't seen her examination of Don.

"Don has a rash" Leo spoke up, and looked intently at April, who was flicking through her notes, seemingly from a need to do something with her hands rather than a need to check facts.

"Um, a brownish-purple rash, I guess because of the difference in skin colour" She inhaled deeply, and said sadly "Meningococcal meningitis is a form of bacterial meningitis. It means Don has to be started on antibiotics right away, or else… "

She couldn't continue. She had searched and double-checked, hoping, praying that if it had to, if it _had_ to turn out that Don was ill that it was the lesser of two evils, but it wasn't to be. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry…" Tears were filling her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. Raph abruptly turned and stomped off, out of the living area, leaving Leo alone with April.

"Raph! Wait a minute-" He gave up almost immediately, knowing his brother just needed to run off some steam, and Leo couldn't deal him right now. He had to get the help Don needed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**I know this chappie is a bit shorter than the others, but it felt right to break here. The next chapter will be longer, don't worry. Oh and heeeere's Mikey, better late than never. Is it obvious that I have terrible trouble writing for Mikey? I find it hard to get in his head. **

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give! I am still trying to find a definitive writing style, and would really appreciate feedback on whether you think this style is working, etc puppy dog eyes**

**I'm a bit worried that I tend to focus more on speech and less on descriptive text…… If you feel you wanna help, let me know what ya think ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own – blah ****blah****blah**

**Oh, and I forgot to add before that the excerpt that April and Raph were reading online in Chapter 3 was from MS Encarta Online. I don't own that either. ****Shame that. I'd be a millionaire!**

Mikey was sitting in a chair on one side of Donatello's prone form, holding his hand, with Splinter the other. It had been nearly an hour, and Donnie's health had steadily gotten worse.

His breathing had become rapid, and the fever was making him cry out in delirium, albeit quietly.

_Always trying_ not_ to draw attention to yourself Don,_ Mikey mused. _Even when you're sick you don't wanna be the centre of attention. _

That thought nearly made his heart break. Don's hand was cold and clammy, in contrast to the heat that was coming off his body in waves.

Since April had left, Don hadn't opened his eyes, so Splinter had turned on the light again as to be able to see him better. Looking at Donnie lying insensible and shivering from the non-existent chill, Mikey thought the darkness was preferable, but hadn't said anything. He spared a glance at his Sensei, trying to gauge what he was thinking, but Splinter was sitting with his eyes closed.

_Meditating, maybe? Trying to __calm his worries? Wish _I_ could._ Mikey looked at his brother, a pained expression on his face which looked so out of place on someone as happy-go-lucky as Mikey.

_Donnie, I'm sorry. Wish I knew what was wrong. I'm __sorry I __was __so __useless; I didn__'t __know __what to do!_ Mike was inwardly wailing now. Don was who Mikey looked to the most for reassurance ever since Leo stepped out of the picture and left, and now…

_I wish it was _me, _and not you, Don. You would know what was wrong, and know how to fix it too! You wouldn't be sitting here helpless, feeling sorry for yourself._ He broke his gaze away from Don, ashamed. He loved Don as his brother, obviously, but missed him fiercely as a friend too.

Out of all his brothers, Don seemed to be closest to Mikey. Maybe because Mikey was the most sociable, especially recently, but he loved the fact that he, Mikey, was the one the brainiac sought to confide in. _At least most of the time_, the thought occurred. _He ha__s__ been kinda avoiding me lately_.

But when he and Raph had walked in and saw Don crumpled on the living room floor, Mike had crumpled too.

Seeing his usually unflappable brother lying on the floor like a pile of rags had terrified him. Raph had run to Don, tried to wake him up, but Mike… Mike had frozen.

Outside, on patrol, Mike had no such misgivings, usually because of the adrenaline and the fluidity of the fight brought forth a need for quick decisions, and there was no _time_ to be scared or to worry about what might happen. And Mike wasn't stupid. He knew that they all did a dangerous job, and _of course_ he'd dealt with all of the team being injured, or hurt at one time or another. But this morning…

He was scared… of what he might have found… Instead he'd run off to Splinter and Leo, because he couldn't deal… with what might have happened. And Mikey was ashamed.

Hearing a strangled cry from the bed, Mikey's head whipped around from the spot on the wall he'd been contemplating. Don's eyes were open and his body was thrashing around in the bed. From his throat small hiccups of sound were escaping.

"Master Splinter!" Mikey cried, hands clasped to his mouth in horror as Don's convulsions got worse. _What now? What do I do?_ _It's like treatment for head trauma- fitting, seizures, convulsions- ah, god! _Mike was trying to think of what the recommended procedure for this was. _Don _told_ us all this! Oh god, why didn't I pay more attention!_ Splinter's eyes snapped open and he looked down at the agitated turtle. "My son!"

Mikey made a move toward the bed, having jumped to his feet and backed off when Don's seizure had started, but Splinter raised a hand and he stopped.

"Don't touch him, Michelangelo, or try to hold him down. He doesn't know what he is doing, and to hold him down may hurt him, or you. Stay near, to catch him if he rocks off the bed, but be patient. It will not last long."

True enough, Don's jerking muscles were becoming more relaxed, and after about another 30 seconds he had stopped moving altogether. Splinter moved close to his second youngest, and placed one hand gently on his forehead. Splinter looked into his eyes, searching for a light of recognition which did not come.

"Donatello?" he asked, fearfully, but received no answer. He checked his pulse and found it to be racing, and his breathing was worse, every breath sounding like a gasp for life. As he was contemplating what else to do, a small sound made Splinter look round.

Mikey was standing exactly where he had frozen after Splinter spoke to him, but tears were running silently down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sensei, I-" He swallowed, and carried on "I couldn't think…" he heaved a huge sigh, which appeared to go some way to calming him down.

"I was… panicking" He shot a glance at Don's body, then couldn't seem to break his gaze away.

"What's going to happen to Don?" he spoke in small voice, his eyes not moving from Don laying there immobile.

Splinter moved to where Mikey was standing and embraced him "I know you are scared my son. But don't worry; we shall do all we can for Donatello. The fit was brought on by the fever; he's had a high temperature for such a long time. Once he has some medicine, he will start to recover"

Unbeknownst to Mikey, as Splinter spoke the words to him, he was trying to convince himself too.

This illness was too vicious, and it had taken down Donatello too fast. Swallowing his own fears, he gave Mikey a last squeeze, and with heavy hearts, both father and son took their places beside the bed again.

* * *

Leo heaved a sigh as he watched Raph leave the room, and turned his attention back to April, who was still sitting in front of Don's PC, sobbing quietly.

Leo rubbed his temples in an attempt to relive the tension he'd been feeling all morning. He had _known_ earlier something bad was wrong with Donnie, but that knowledge was a little hard to deal with, and Leo had refused to fully trust his instinctive reaction. He had never wished so hard that the feelings he'd had were false.

_Ok, Don's ill, but it's a common enough illness! There is treatment! _Leo shook away the idea of fatality. _For gods' sake, _'flu _can be fatal without antibiotics!_

His mind latched onto the hope that all Don needed was the drugs, and he'd be fine. Yeah. Back to normal. Sitting up in bed, quietly working on one of his projects, after a few days rest. End of problem.

Unable to shake free the thought that things were seldom that simple, he addressed April in a strange, hearty voice that sounded nothing like his own.

"Don't cry, April. Please, it's not your fault. And don't worry! We just have to get Don the medicine. I know where he keeps the family's money, and-"

"Leo!" April struggled out, cutting him off, and severing his hope at the same time. "Its prescription drugs! You can't just purchase them from a pharmacy. And you guys will have to be vaccinated too. All of us, just in case" She covered her face with her hands, and avoided seeing Leo's face fold up in an uncharacteristic display of emotions. "I could probably get that done at the hospital, and Casey too. But you guys…" She stopped, too choked by the unfairness of it all.

"Okay. Right."Leo looked to the door behind which where Don lay. "I think… we definitely need to get Don the antibiotics. And you say we can't buy them." He shot a look at April, who had looked up and was scrutinising him worriedly. He couldn't believe he was going to say this, but-

"So… we have to get them by other means. That means we have to… find somewhere else to get them." Leo cleared his throat, and breathed out slowly. He knew that the course of action he was considering was going against everything his Sensei had taught them all, but his brother's life was on the line. He knew without question that if it came down to doing what was right or letting Don _die_, well, it was family that was going to win, every time. "Could you find out-"

_Smash!_ The pair of them jumped and turned around. Raph had snuck back into the living area and had just taken his frustration out on the coffee table; namely by putting his fists through it. He straightened up with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sorry 'bout that" He mumbled "And sorry 'bout taking off" He met Leo's eyes, almost daring him to say something.

He'd got about 100 yards away then realised that he was acting like the same old hot-headed Raphael, and the last time that had happened… Leo had got hurt. Raph knew he had to break out of the habit of running off when things got tough emotionally, else… things weren't gonna be any different.

It had been hard, but he'd turned back.

_But there's no point getting into all this emo shit now_, Raph thought. _Let's get Don sorted out first, hmmm?_

"Figured you might need me to fetch and carry" He shrugged.

Leo looked at Raph standing by the wrecked remains of the coffee table, and realised Raph had overheard Leo's and April's conversation.

Leo gave him a lop-sided smile. "You figured right" he said, without humour.


	5. Chapter 5

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!**

**Teoryn – Thanks a lot for your advice, it really helped. And I REALLY appreciate your encouragement. Thank you. ;)**

**Windwalker – You flatter me, and thank you :D And yes, you are right in your assumption. (I am so evil to Donnie, yet I'm a big fan. ****'Shakes head in wonder' **

**I've got another two bunnies on my back****- Don-centric of course****- and they are ****both Don ****angst****/ hurt/ comfort. I need help. Seriously.)**

**PlainSimpleGarak – Thanks for your review, it made me realise I had made Mikey come across as too young. At least, younger than I think of him. It was due to lack of characterisation on my part. I've actually gone back and edited Chapter Three slightly, to try and get my point across better. Thank you again. ;) 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own – blah**** di ****blah ****blah**

* * *

Michelangelo leaned forward and gently wiped his brother's clammy forehead with a damp cloth. Splinter had left earlier, apparently to question April more, when Leo had come and broken the news about Don's illness leaving Mikey alone with Don again.

"Sorry about breaking down there, bro. I guess I'm not used to you being the one who needs to be looked after."

Here Mikey smiled at the knowledge that all his brothers seemed to believe that Mikey was 'delicate' and needed 'protection' from every problem. Okay, so he did play into the baby brother role quite a lot, but still! He was quite capable of handling foot ninja and other big issues by himself, for goodness' sake!

At least that is what he would have said before this morning.

"He looks so… different" Raph's voice came from the doorway, causing Mikey to look up, surprised. Raph had made it pretty much obvious he wasn't comfortable in the same room as Don. Raph had never been good around sick people.

"Of course, dude, what do you expect? He's _sick_" Mikey sighed inwardly. Normally he would have cracked a joke or something right now to relive the tension, but today he just felt drained. And snappish.

"Nice of you to show up to see how your brother is doing. It's only been, what, four hours?" He glared back at Raph.

Raph stood in the doorway taken aback. If Leo had made a remark like that, well, with all the tenseness this morning he would have probably hauled off and smacked him one, even if that meant smashing all the tentative bridges they had built up between them. But Mikey snapping at him like that? It was like being savaged by a goldfish. It was just so unexpected.

"You an' Master Splinter had everything under control. Ya didn't need me." Raph made excuses "But ya right, I should have come sooner." He stepped further into the room, eyes on Don, drawing closer to where he was lying. Mikey blinked, and looked at Raph, then back down at the bed.

"I'm sorry, say that again?" Mikey hiked a watery smile onto his face.

"Huh, what?" Raph hadn't been paying attention.

"The part where you said I'm right?" Mikey gave another go at the smile, and Raph gave a "Hah!" and lightly smacked him on the shoulder, grateful for the attempt at humour.

He took the seat that Splinter had been using, opposite Mikey, and studied Don. The rash that had basically been the only symptom that confirmed Don's illness had spread and grown to look like purple bruises, and coupled with the uncommonly pale green of his complexion gave him a mottled appearance. He was still shivering, despite the extra blankets Mike had piled onto him, and every now and then he gave a quiet groan.

"He's in pain" Raph whispered, more of statement than a question, but Mikey answered anyway.

"Yeah. It's that headache he's been complaining of. Well, judging how he's been acting I guess it's more like a migraine. Hurts your heart to hear it." Mike confessed, and Raph nodded hard in agreement.

On entering the bedroom, Raph had made up his mind. When Don got well, he was gonna sit him down and not let him _move_ until Raph was sure that they were back to normal. Never mind whose fault it was they had fallen apart. Even if it meant Raph had to get down on his hands and knees and _beg _for forgiveness. Seeing Don, his genius brother, laying there mindless and in pain, it _hurt_, more than any physical wound Raph had ever had.

"Leo and April are goin' over the final details for this med run tonight. All Splinter knows is that we're gonna be picking up the antibiotics and the vaccinations, but he _don't _know where we are gettin' 'em _from_" Raph spoke over Don's chest. Shooting an accusatory glance at Mikey, he added "That means no mentioning where we're goin', at least specific-like." Mikey just nodded wearily. Leo had already been in to tell him what was planned for tonight, and what he wasn't allowed to mention to Sensei.

Raph groaned through a sigh. All this waiting was eating away at him; the longer they took, the worse Don could get. He knew the tactical reasoning behind the wait, that they had to wait for the cover of darkness. Because the workers in the medical warehouse they were planning on infiltrating didn't punch out until after 8 o'clock in the evening. Still it grated on him to have to be static for so long with a family member in trouble.

His body itched for something to do, a few rounds with his punch bag, _anything_, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to leave Don's side now that he had got there. He'd been doing too much of that recently.

* * *

After sitting in silence for 15 minutes, just watching Don breathe, Raph figured he had given him enough of his time. Rising, he offered a "See ya later, bro" to Mikey, and turned to go.

"Raph!" At Mikey's exclamation he span around, expecting the worst. However, Mikey's expression was not one of horror, but of wonder. Don had opened his eyes at the sound of Raph's voice. Raph immediately sat back down.

"Don? Can you hear me Don-san?" He asked tentatively. Don's forehead wrinkled into a frown, and his eye's, already narrowed to slits, flickered from side to side. Mikey reached out and grabbed his right hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Hey Donnie! You feeling any better?" He kept his voice low, but couldn't keep the optimism out of his tone. Don opened and shut his dry mouth, but no sound came out.

"Oh, I'm so stupid! You want some water to drink Don?" Without waiting for him to answer, Mikey snagged a glass filled with water sitting on the bedside table. Motioning to Raph to help him lift Don so he could drink, he gently raised Don so he was half sitting, and presented the glass to his lips. After a few swallows, he and Raph laid him back down.

"Better Donnie?" Mikey looked hopefully at his face, on tenterhooks whether Don would answer.

"Who…." Don's almost inaudible reply was in a voice quite unlike his usual light, pleasant tenor. It was harsh and rough, and cracked when he spoke.

"Yes, Don?" Mikey encouraged, while giving Raph a pointed look, which meant: _You're the one he responded to, TALK to him!_

"Who… wh're… who are you? Wh're m' bru'hers?" Don turned his head almost imperceptibly to the right, where Mikey sat. Mikey gasped, and then looked to Raph. Seeing an equally shocked expression on Raph's face, he gulped and focused on Don's face, which now had a puzzled frown plastered on it, eyes distant. Mikey had to look away. He'd seen that face before on his brother, even teased him about it. It was the look Don got when he was in 'professor' mode. Usually it meant that Don had encountered a hitherto unthought-of problem and was working on how to fix it. Seeing it now, in response to his family, was alarming.

"Don, it's us" Raph had finally spoken up again."Mikey and Raph. Ya brothers are right here" He covered Don's other hand with both of his.

"Raph…." Don's eyes slid closed tiredly, then opened filled with panic "Have… to do summin'… hav' to fix….Raph's bike!" his voice had grown louder, and he grimaced at the obvious pain in his head.

Raph shook his head, Don's statement cutting him. "No, Donnie, you're sick. You don't have ta do anythin'"

Mikey stroked Don's arm, trying to soothe him, but Don feebly tried to shake him off.

"Noouuh… got to fix… no more… fights" Don was weakly fighting to roll over, to get out of bed, but Raph and Mikey were both holding onto his arms. Raph noted pitifully just how little strength Don had left, it was like fighting a child.

"Donnie! Please stay in bed, you're not well! You don't need to fix anything!" Mikey wasn't crying, but his voice sounded close to tears as he fought to restrain his brother as he became more violent. Then, energy spent, Don went limp.

"I wan' my bru'hers…" Don whispered, and gave in to sleep.

Mikey drew a shaky breath, and released Don's hand. _He doesn't recognise us!_ _What does that mean? _He sat there just thinking and staring in shock at the sleeping form in the bed until he was snapped out of his reverie by a hand on his shoulder. Glancing up, he found himself looking at the concerned gaze of Raphael.

"I'll watch him for a bit, if ya wanna grab somethin' to eat." He said softly. Mikey just stared at him confused. "You've been at his side for over four hours. Take a break. Get some food inside ya. You can't look after him if ya pass out from low blood sugar." Mikey reluctantly nodded and gratefully trudged out into the living area.

Raph took his place in the chair, and picked up the neglected bowl of water and ice. Rescuing the cloth from where it had fallen under the bed due to Don's tossing and turning, he washed it out in the bowl and wrung it till it was almost dry.

Stealing a glance over his shoulder to where the door was, Raph then proceeded to softly wipe the sweat and moisture from Don's face, taking it slowly so as not to wake Don up again. As he finished his ministrations, Don's eyes snapped open again, and Raph almost cried out.

This time, however, his eye's immediately focused on Raph's worried face. "Raphie…." His mouth turned up ever so briefly. "Wh'rewere yu?… I was… lost…." Don seemed to be having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Lost?" Raph echoed, and felt stupid. But Don just stared at him.

"Cou'dn't see you… the fog… head hurts… Raphie…?" Don's eyes shut again and didn't open.

"Don't worry, bro, I'm here. I'm not gonna leave ya" Raph reached and squeezed Don's hand to reassure him, and gave a tiny smile when Don attempted to squeeze back.

* * *

Leo was perched on the edge of the rooftop, looking down into the United Chemical warehouse's perimeter. He could make out a security post at the only gate in the chain link fence, and sounds of a TV or radio echoed from it. Shifting his position so he was leaning far over the edge, he scanned the area below for any other security patrols, and failed to spot any.

The information April had managed to glean from the internet had been accurate. This distribution centre provided medical supplies to most of the hospitals in New York State, and according to emailed memo's sent to and from their HQ, they were having serious problems with recruitment of security staff.

That meant all the stuff they needed was available right here, and there was not going to be many security personnel to deal with.

Leo was glad. As much as he had to do this, he didn't want hurt anyone who was only doing their job. And it was a relief to learn that he wouldn't have to steal from a hospital.

"We good to go, Leo?" Raph's voice came from behind him. Leo glanced back at him and Mikey, and nodded once.

"Yeah, but let's be-"

"Careful, yeah I know" Raph interrupted him, and rolled his eyes. Mikey shot them both a grin.

"Come on Raph, you _know_ this wouldn't feel right without Leo saying his favourite catchphrase!"

"Come on then. Let's do this quickly" Leading the way, Leo dropped down from the rooftop adjacent to the barbed chain fence. Deftly, he leapt up and slashed through the barbed wire with his katana, following the motion through to land on the other side of the fence without a sound.

Raph and Mikey followed him through the gap and joined him in the shadow of one of the buildings.

"Okay, according to the plans April dug up, all the drugs for prescriptions and such are kept in cold storage. This means a safe room, probably heavily locked." Leo whispered.

"Well, we did come prepared" Mikey interjected, gesturing to his and Raph's backpacks. Raph had even brought the portable acetylene torch he used on his bike from time to time.

"She couldn't get much more than that, but she and I guessed that it must be in the same warehouse as the conveyor for packing, etcetera" Leo carried on, ignoring Mikey's interruption. "That means the warehouse at the rear, where the trucks come from. Let's go"

The three ninjas crept around the main building to the rear where the large shape of the packing shed loomed in the night. Raph broke away from the other two and scaled the side of the building with practised ease, coming to a rest level with the windows that dotted the building near the edge of the roof. Hanging onto the sill, he peered in through the dirt and grime that covered the glass.

"Leo, I can see somethin' that looks like what you mentioned" he tried to shout a whisper. Leo looked up at him, and gave him the nod to start 'opening' the window.

Below, Mikey and Leo stood silently, listening to the scratching sound of the glass cutter as Raph made a hole big enough to take them. After a minute they heard:

"Okay, I'm in. Come on up"

Without needing to be told twice, they leapt up the wall and followed Raph through the window, which opened onto a metal walkway. Leo looked to Raph.

"Over there" Raph pointed to the ground level, where behind the conveyor belt, between racks of shelves, there was a pair of white double doors. Even from here Leo could see the locks that covered it. Scouring the floor to be sure of no security guards, Leo made the decision.

"Let's get down there"

* * *

"Leo!" Mikey's whispered carried over to where Leo was crouching by the exit doors, keeping watch. "We're on the last lock, have you got the list of stuff April did us?" Without saying anything, Leo reached into his belt and pulled out a folded piece of paper and offered it to Mike.

"Thanks, dude" When Leo still didn't say anything; Mike stepped closer and stood there with his arms folded. Regarding Leo critically, he spoke again.

"You're getting hung up on it, aren't you" Leo blinked, surprised.

"What?"

"You know what. I _know_ you think that stealing isn't honourable or whatever" Mike said, with a serious look on his face. "But dude, face facts! We can't expect help from doctors 'cos they'll just as soon as lock us up and do experiments on us. We have a right to live as much as the next mutant" Here Mikey winked. "So what we're doing here, it's necessary! I don't like it as much as you do but look at the alternative!"

Leo knew all this, had even said it to himself all afternoon while he was planning the run, but it was in his nature to feel guilty about this. Stealing _was_ wrong.

"Ok, stealing is wrong, obviously." Mikey added, weirdly echoing Leo's thoughts. "But we don't think thief. We're just here to save our brother. We're not Mr Big Drug Dealer, here to steal morphine to sell on the streets to kids. We're doing it for love, and family, not profit!"

"Hey guys, I'm done with this lock. You got that list?" Raph's growling voice reached the others ears.

"Mikey's coming" Leo called softly to Raph, then caught Mikey's arm as he turned away. "Thanks Mikey" He smiled, feeling a little less guilty about what they were doing.

"No problem, dude!" Mike smiled, and dashed over to where Raph was waiting impatiently, and Leo turned his attention back to his surroundings.

Mikey unfolded the paper and started reading out the requirements to Raph.

"Okay, drugs: we need, solutions of ampicillin – it says here enough for 7 days" He looked at Raph bewildered. "How much is _that?_"

"Damned if I know" Raph found the shelf loaded with the stuff, and shrugged. "Let's just take it all. Toss me my bag." Mikey obliged and Raph swept the whole shelf's contents into it. "What else?"

"Ri-fam-pin" Mikey said slowly sounding it out. "7200 milligrams. For all of _us_, to stop us getting sick."

Raph found the required substance and dropped it into his bag. "Check"

Mike turned towards the half-light coming from the warehouse. "Cef-tri-ax-one. Another antibiotic, in case the ampicillin doesn't work. Hah, just like a scientist, to always have a backup plan" Mikey thought fondly of Don when he said this, and how he was always thinking two steps ahead.

"Check"

"Okay, that's it, oh no, wait. Saline solution, as well. Um, it doesn't say how much" Mike turned back to face Raph, squinting at him.

"Not a problem" Raph scooped up every pouch of solution and placed them into the bag. "That it?"

"Yeah, for in there at least. Now we need hypodermics and an IV drip stand, no sorry, TWO IV drip stands, antibacterial solution or wipes and a partridge in a pear tree." Mikey grinned at Raph, and then ducked a half-hearted swipe to the head.

Just as Raph had finished ramming the second IV stand between his backpack and his shell, mirroring Mikey, Leo joined them.

"Are we done?" He asked in a low voice, glancing around the warehouse as he did so.

"Yeah, what's up?" Raph frowned at him, aware that Leo was preoccupied.

"The security guard that was on the front gate is walking the perimeter. Must have to do that every couple of hours or so. He shouldn't see the window missing, but if you're done we should go before our luck changes"

In agreement the three brothers retraced their steps to the walkway under the windows. After checking that the security guard was nowhere near, Leo dropped down followed by the others.

After waiting silently and motionless in the lee of the packing shed, the ninjas crept back around to the front, eyeing the security guard who was now back on the front gate, with the TV/ Radio was even louder. _The world's shortest patrol_._ There must be something good on._ Leo thought to himself sarcastically, but didn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Reaching the gap in the barbed wire where they had entered, Leo let himself relax slightly. They had done it! They had got the drugs Don needed to get well, and everything was gonna be alright. Looking around at Raph and Mikey after jumping through the gap he could see the same looks of relief on their faces, which he himself was feeling.

_Everything is gonna be ok. Donnie is gonna be okay._ Leo smiled to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!**

**Windwalker – :D of course Leo is! And yes poor Don-Don will be suffering for a little while longer.**

**Teoryn – Thank you. Really. Love the encouragement, and I am glad you like the Mikey characterisation! ;)**

**FF Demon – You know it Bwahahahahaha!**

**MusaEnchantix – Hope this is soon enough! I try to write ****every day**** after work, and update on my days off. So usually updates are once a week (ish)**

**LadyDragonRain – Thanks a lot for your comments! Yes,**** you are right in your guess about the timeline and the 'verses that I know enough about to write in :D ****I'll try not to torture Donnie. Much. Heh. 'looks about furtively' **

* * *

Upon entering the lair, Leo immediately became aware that things were not okay. The anxiety in the atmosphere was almost tangible.

Becoming afraid, his head shot from side to side searching for Splinter or April. What his gaze fell on, however, was Casey Jones, perched on the edge of the couch, flicking through what looked like one of Donnie's medical textbooks.

"Case?" Raph's voice spoke up from behind Leo, uncertainness evident in his gruff voice. Casey jumped at his voice, dropped the book and quickly stood up. He started towards the three turtles.

"Raph, guys, its good ya back!" The worry etched on his face only served to unnerve Leo more.

"What's happened? Where's Donnie? He's not…?" Leo's imagination ran on ahead, without waiting for Casey to answer. _No…__No, NO! Oh god we're too late, I was too late!_

"NO! no! He's not… ya know. But it's been pretty… scary, while you've been gone" Casey looked sympathetically at the brothers, who all relaxed slightly "April called me over about an hour after ya'll left. I think she and Splinter needed the company, to tell ya the truth-" Casey broke off and directed his gaze to Splinter's room. When he didn't add anything Raph became impatient, and strode passed Casey meaning to go and check on Don, but Casey caught his arm.

"Raph, just ta warn ya. It ain't pretty" At Casey's words all three brothers walked swiftly to the door, and stepped inside.

Leo had gone first, and the first thing that drew his attention was April. Or rather, the side of April's face. It was sporting a red welt that was already beginning to turn purple. Staring in shock, he heard Mikey exclaim "Shell!" and Raph growl "April, what happened?"

_She's not meeting ou__r__ eyes._ Leo reflected, then it dawned on him, and he looked down at his sick sibling. _Don! Don did this?_ He quickly looked up at April again, and this time she didn't have time to glance away. "April-"

"He had another seizure" She interrupted him. "Worse this time" and here she flicked her eyes to Splinter. "There was a lot of convulsing. I…I didn't get out of the way in time…It wasn't his fault, he didn't know what he was doing…" She swallowed the tears that threatened to come.

Leo breathed deeply, and looked to his master, who hadn't said anything yet. "How is he? What else happened?" He asked, almost fearing the answer. _Two seizures…_

"He fell to sleeping after you all left, until about an hour later. He awoke… and…" Leo was stunned; he had never seen his father look so shaken. Taking a breath, Splinter carried on. "He woke up screaming" Leo could almost see him trying to get a grip on himself. He breathed to calm himself, and his voice grew a little stronger, and the fragile look faded as quickly as it had appeared. "He was sat up in bed and screaming like I'd never heard him before... Miss O'Neil and I tried to calm him, but I don't believe he was aware of what was happening. That's when Miss O'Neil called Mr Jones for some extra help." Splinter shook his head sadly. "I've never seen Donatello look frightened of us before." The hurt was evident on his face. "And then, he started having convulsions like before, but more violent. And since that, he's been unconscious. Miss O'Neil believes he may have fallen into a coma" he concluded, looking towards where April sat.

"That's not necessary bad news" April interjected at the look on Leo's face "Coma can reduce the blood flow, especially to the brain, which reduces inter-cranial pressure" Meeting blank looks from all of the turtles as they processed this, she tried to explain further.

"I've been doing more research on Meningitis while you've been gone. Without going too technical, it's basically inflammation in the brain, which causes the headaches and nausea, etcetera. The coma reduces the pressure inside the skull, and… also reduces the possibility of… um, long term damage." Leo looked taken aback.

"You mean… what do you mean?" He stuttered, not wanting to voice the fear that just ran a shiver down his spine. _No, no. That's not right, he'll be fine! We've got the meds, he'll be okay._ Again, that nagging feeling of foreboding was quashed by his optimistic denial.

April seemed to give herself a mental shake, and looked to Raph and Mikey, who were still laden with the supplies. "Oh god, give me the antibiotics, we need to get his treatment started straight away!"

Raph whipped the rucksack off, and placing it on the end of the bed he began sorting through it. April picked up the IV stand from where it fell, Raph having forgotten about it being wedged between the pack and his shell.

Mikey had already pulled his free, and was busy erecting it on Don's left. Leo backed out of the way, and stood next to his master near the foot of the bed, knowing that he wasn't needed at the moment, although he still had questions.

April pulled a pouch of saline and another of the ampicillin out of the pack, and tossed them to Mikey, who hung them ready on the IV stand. Rummaging in first Raph's pack then Mikey's, she located the tubing and catheter and moved to Don's left side.

Raph watched as she hesitated and closed her eyes, breathing fast and shallow, and her hands shaking imperceptibly.

"Hey, dudette. Take it slowly, OK? Deep breaths" Mikey gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You can do this!" April flashed him a weak smile, closed her eyes again and took a couple of deep breaths. After a minute, she looked calmer, and her hands had stopped trembling. Steeling herself, she reached for Don's hand.

Uncomfortable with needles at the best of times, Raph had to look away. His eyes met Leo's, his face twisted in worry. Leo inclined his head towards the door, and Raph stole a glance towards the bed, and then nodded.

* * *

Once outside the door, Casey's voice greeted them.

"Hey guys, how is he?" Leo looked at Casey's face, which was painted with a look of concern.

"Still… asleep? Unconscious, anyways. April is sorting out the drugs. We're… kinda not needed at the minute" Raph answered, looking to Leo as he said this.

"Damn shame. I mean 'bout the whole 'Don being sick' thing. I'm sorry, guys" With a shake of his head, Casey made his way over to the kitchen area. "You wanna drink? Tea, coffee? Somethin' a bit stronger maybe? I'm gonna go for a beer meself. I had some on me, April called me as I was leaving the 7-11" He turned back to the two brothers. Leo shook his head, and after an meaningful glance at Leo, so did Raph.

"What happened, Case?" Raph asked, straight to the point. He could tell by Casey's nervous non-stop talking that there was something bothering him. Casey's face twisted in guilt.

"Ah man, Raph, it's nothin', really!" Raph's face never changed, and his eyes didn't move from Casey's. "Well, it's not that big a deal, right? Um, yeah. Okay." Casey moved back into the living area, and plopped down on the couch, motioning Raph and Leo to join him. Raph sat in the chair opposite, but Leo took a stance behind the chair, leaning on the backrest.

"April called me a while ago on my cell. Said she needed help down in the lair. And I thought, that's strange, where are you guys? And I said that to her. She said you were out getting medicine for Don. And I said-"

"Jeez, get to the point, Case, you ain't exactly Shakespeare when it comes ta tellin' stories!" Raph rolled his eyes impatiently, and Leo gave a small grunt of agreement.

"Well, that's just it. It ain't much to tell, really, just that I got down here, and I was outside the door, that big heavy-ass reinforced door, and inside I could hear… um, hear screaming. Real bad. I mean really, to be able ta hear it through that door. I knew it weren't April 'cos I know the sound of her voice, and, and-" He broke off and looked at Raph and Leo ashamed. "It shook me - I'd never thought Don could… could… act like that! I mean, he's so damn quiet! Don't take this the wrong way, but ya never normally notice he's in the same room! He's not the type to make a fuss, y'know? About _anythin'!_" Casey looked at Raph, who gave a non-committal shrug.

"By the time I got the nerve to open the door, he'd passed out. And I was _glad_ That he wasn't screaming anymore and that I didn't have ta see him like it. And I felt real bad, 'cos he's ya brother an' all, and you're my best bud, and I couldn't do anythin' ta… ta help. Or anything." His voice was sounding choked now, and he wasn't looking at Raph anymore.

"Don't worry, Casey. It's okay. Now we've got the medicine Don needs, he'll be fine" Leo reassured him. Raph threw him a glance of concern over his shoulder. _Is it me or is Leo in denial about how serious this is?_ Leo met his stare with a blank look.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Casey cleared his throat, and blinked. "Well, s'cuse me guys, I gotta go ta the john" Still without meeting anyone's gaze, Casey disappeared off to the bathroom, leaving Leo and Raph alone.

Raph turned in the chair to face Leo head on. "What is up with you? You're acting like this is no big deal? Don's not outta the woods yet."

Leo's face was like a mask, emotionless. "I know that Raph. But we got Don on the antibiotics as soon as we suspected what was wrong. Not even some ER doctor's react that fast. And now, we just let the drugs do their job. Let's not worry unnecessarily"

"Oh, I know _you_ won't" The words slipped out before Raph could stop them. He braced himself, as he waited for the retort that was bound to come. Sure enough, Leo's eyes narrowed at him.

"And what, exactly, is _that_ supposed to mean?" Raph had stood up now and was face to face with Leo. They were both tense and ready for a standoff, mimicking the same old routine for the start of all the past arguments.

_Wait… wait. It doesn't have ta go this way, not again. You wanna make things right between you and Leo? You're gonna have ta make the first move. We've been skirting around each other on tiptoes for too long.__ You wanna be stuck in this pointless 'oh-__so-polite' loop? You wanna fall back into the same pointless fightin' 'n arguing? __No? Well, ya__ gotta be the bigger man here. _

Raph knew he had to change. Or else, nothing would. Taking a deep breath, and looking Leo in the eyes, he said:

"Nothin' bro. I didn't mean anything, just mouthin' off as usual." Gave Leo a semi-smirk and a short bark of a laugh as Leo looked at him nonplussed. _Sorry Leo, did that take the wind outta ya sails?_

"Look, I know ya feeling guilty that you didn't see Don was ill or whatever, and ya feel like you've been, I don't know, neglecting Donnie or somethin' but I don't think playing it down, and acting like Don's only gotta a bad case of the 'flu is gonna make ya feel any better. In fact, it just makes you come across all cold and…and don't care-ish 'n shit. Which is why I snapped atcha" Raph nodded honestly, and Leo just gaped.

_Ha! That threw 'im! Betcha didn't ya think I paid that much attention, did ya Leo?_ _Betcha didn't think I was man enough ta admit I was wrong, huh? _Raph thought smugly, and yeah, just a little bit proud of himself for not letting himself get riled up.

"So just try to stop blaming yourself like ya usually do, okay? 'Cause it's really getting' old" Raph crossed his arms, and cocked his head to one side "And 'sides, I should be sharing half that blame anyway. Well, probably more than half." He heaved a sigh. Leo frowned at him, obviously wondering what he meant, but Raph carried on regardless.

"So when Don's awake, we can _both_ apologise, and Don can forgive us, and we can finally stop tiptoeing around each other and forget all this angsty crap!"

At this childish rant, so unlike Raph, Leo gave a strangled noise that could have been a laugh, and, yes, looking at his eyes Raph saw that emotionless expression had gone, and in its place, for a second at least, was a twinkle of amusement. Unfortunately, this was swapped all too quickly for a look of worry.

"Raph…This _is_ something big, isn't it?" Leo shifted a little in his stance.

"Well, _yeah_" Raph countered, in his _well, duhh!_ voice.

"No, I mean, what April said. About long term damage. And I've been kinda getting a bad vibe from Don ever since he was taken ill" Leo peered at Raph's face trying to gauge a reaction, hoping, really, that Raph would dismiss the 'vibe' as nerves, or superstition, or 'typical Leo always believing the worst'. Anything except agree with Leo, because he _truly_ didn't wanna be right about this. Leo sighed, waiting for Raph to reply.

* * *

"Okay, that's it" April gave a weak smile to Mikey and Splinter, as she finished hooking Donatello up to the drug and the saline solution, and sank exhausted into one of the chairs beside the bed.

"Miss O'Neil, I cannot thank you enough for what you've done for us today" Splinter expressed gratefully, and Mikey nodded agreement. "But, please, we never got a chance to talk about your research that you had completed."

"Oh. Yes." April shifted uncomfortably. She really didn't want to get into this now… _B__ut it's important they know all the facts!_

"Well, I've been delving deeper into the illness, and the good news is I think we acted quickly enough. Don was placed on a broad spectrum anti-biotic as soon as possible, and most of the net doctors I was able to ask for advice agree that severely improves his chances of recovery." She stopped to collect her thoughts, and waited for the inevitable question.

"What's the bad news?" Mikey dutifully responded, hovering next to his Master, who had taken the seat opposite April, which meant they were conversing over Don's chest.

"Not bad, really, just serious." Indicating the still-unconscious Donatello, she went on "That rash, that is actually a form of septicaemia. The symptoms include hyperventilation, um, that's fast breathing, and a fast pulse. And high blood pressure." She met the worried gaze of Splinter, who had obviously connected the dots.

"The high blood pressure, and the inflammation in Donatello's brain, are not a good combination, am I right?" He said softly, remembering what April had mentioned earlier about the benefits of Don's coma.

As he uttered the last word, Donatello started to fidget, although still out of it. Mike moved instantly to his side and patted him soothingly on the shoulder. Although his motions were focused on Don, his apprehensive gaze was locked on April's face.

"You are more or less right. It creates a lot of stress on the brain. However, the anti-biotics will fight the septic infection as well as the meningitis; it's still possible that Don will make a full recovery. I am afraid it's a case of wait and see." April felt terrible at being able to do so little, with Splinter and Mikey sitting there looking so anxious. But they didn't seem to blame her.

Mikey looked resigned to sticking close to Don again for the rest of the night, but Splinter still seemed to have something on his mind.

"How long before he starts to show improvement?"

"His temperature, breathing and blood pressure should stabilise once the medicine starts to flood his system; um… maybe a few hours? He may not wake for a day or two if it truly is a coma he's fallen into. I'm sorry-"

April had tried not to show how upset she felt, but the tears had sneaked up on her and spilled despite her efforts. To try and make her mind stop dwelling on the uselessness she was feeling, she cast around the room for something to say.

"Er - You and the others need to take your first dose of meds too. Three hundred milligrams now, and then another three hundred every 12 hours until it's finished." She directed, pointing at the pills still sitting on the end of the bed.

Mikey smiled warmly at her, and reached for the meds. "Aye aye Captain, you're the doc! I am totally at your service!"

April smiled at him in return, remembering how Mikey looked only 2 or 3 minutes earlier and feeling touched at how he was doing his best to make her feel better, when he was feeling so lost himself. Splinter smiled to himself, evidently proud of his empathic son.

"Thanks, Mikey."

"For what?" Mikey frowned playfully at her "I didn't do nothing!"

"Thanks for being you, Mikey." April said gratefully, and Mikey gave her a brilliant grin in return.

"Hey, it's what I do best"

* * *

Raph just stood there, head tilted, studying Leo's face, apparently debating what to say to him. After a while, Leo started to get a little nervous. _Why isn't he saying anything?_ He opened his mouth to make a comment, but Raph beat him to it, drawing a breath as though he was steeling himself.

"Me and Mike didn't tell ya this, but before, when we were waiting for the off, Don woke up." Raph couldn't look at Leo. He started pacing around the living area instead.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Leo's voice was edged with anger and hurt, as he turned on the spot to keep facing Raph.

"Cause… the first time, he didn't recognise Mikey" _But__, he responded to __MY__ voice_ "and…an' he asked where his brothers were… he seemed really confused… he fought us… Um, he recognised my name and seemed ta think he had to go fix my bike still" Raph mentally kicked himself. _Idiot, Leo still doesn't know about that!_ He stopped dead with his back to Leo, cringing.

"What do you mean; he had to fix your bike?" Leo asked, voice oddly level.

Raph backtracked, and sank back into the armchair, and put his face in his hands. Dragging them down his face, he looked up and met Leo's unwavering stare that had followed him.

"That's the reason Don was late ta practice this morning - he was pulling another all-nighter. Me an' Case were out last night." Leo didn't comment, and Raph wondered if he'd already knew, and just hadn't said anything.

"We ran into a little trouble, but we got out, no harm done. Only… my bike got a bit beat up. I- I didn't want ya ta find out, cause I didn't wanna have a row or anything" Raph waved a hand, dismissing that thought. "I was stupid! He must have been ill then, and I didn't see! He'd fallen asleep at his desk again…" Raph's voice was cracking, but he carried on.

"I made him jump… I thought I was being clever doing the ninja sneak on him…" Raph's voice cut off, his throat too choked to carry on.

For what seemed like an eternity to Raph, who was trying to get his emotions under control, Leo just stared at him. He folded his arms, opened his mouth and hesitated, then shut it. Instead he moved to the side of Raph and tentatively slung an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"Don't feel guilty. You couldn't have known Don was sick. Try… try not to blame yourself." Leo felt so awkward; it had been too long since he'd acted like a brother and not a leader. But Raph didn't shy away.

Raph suddenly threw both arms around Leo and gave him a tight, abrupt hug. It was practically over before it started, but Leo appreciated that it was Raph's way of saying thank you.

"What happened the second time Don woke?" Leo changed the subject, knowing how touchy Raph was about talking about 'feelin's'.

Raph cleared his throat once or twice, then carried on "Er, yeah. Even Mike don't know 'bout that. I sent him ta get some grub, Don acting like that really shook him up. The second time though, he focused on me, and knew who I was. He said… he said he was lost, that he couldn't find me…" Raph blinked his eyes a couple of times, and Leo tactfully looked away so he wouldn't see the tears glistening there.

"So, yeah, this bad vibe of yours? How bad would ya say?"

"Um, I'm really not sure. I kind of hope it's me fearing the worst rather than predicting the worst." Leo looked suddenly lost, and drained.

"That bad, huh?"

Leo didn't answer for a whole minute, then reluctantly gave a nod.

"Maybe"


	7. Chapter 7

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!**

**Sorry about the lateness of this chappie, it's been a hectic week (Came off my motorbike, which is now a write-off. 'Sob') **

**Also, I had planned to get to the ****point/ ****good part of the story (the part the challenge relates to) this chapter but it was getting longer and longer… and well. There just wasn't a good place to cut after this one, without disrupting the flow too much. So next chappie for sure!**

**Thanks!**

**MusaEnchantix – Sorry! But here is another, much longer chapter!**

**Windwalker – 'smiles sheepishly' Hope Raph didn't come across too OOC, and sorry that I couldn't get to the good part quicker. Thanks as always for your feedback. :D**

**Teoryn – I'm so glad you can see what I'm trying to get across with my mediocre words! I was worried that I had made Raph too OOC and that the 'argument' was a big fat anticlimax. But then I am really super-critical of my own work. If I didn't have positive reviews like yours and others, I think I might just screw my work up in frustration that it will never be 'right'**** Thanks as always for your encouragement. :D**

**Comet-an-Me – Wow. Thanks! Your review was the kick in the butt I needed to make me decide to post the first half of what originally was going to be one chapter. I realised that if I didn't, I would have to wait another week for a day off to write the rest and post it. So… here 'hands over chapter'**

**Disclaimer – Yeah, you know what I'm gonna say.**

* * *

The next two days went past in a frightening blur. 

April and Casey left in the morning after the three turtles had obtained Don's medicine to get themselves vaccinated against possible infection. With tears in her eyes, April hugged them all and promised that she and Casey would be back as soon as the hospital let them go. Casey thumped them all on their shells and told them not to worry, that Don would be fine.

After they left, Raph practically disappeared, locking himself in the dojo. From the sounds of things he was working his frustrations out physically.

Leo spent most of his time flitting back and forth from Don's sick room – acting as a go between for Raph, so he was kept up to date how Donnie was doing – and trying to get his master and Mikey to take breaks, and eat properly. It had also fallen to him to make sure everyone took their pills, something that tugged at his heartstrings as he instinctively felt he was intruding on Don's territory as the resident medic.

Those two days, Mikey wouldn't leave Don's side at all, to sleep or to eat. And only very reluctantly when nature called, and even then he immediately rushed back.

The end of the second day, Splinter forced him out into the living area and gave him a bowl soup to eat on the couch. After draining the bowl, he had crashed out exhausted, full length on the couch, and didn't waken until the middle of the night.

Everyone was asleep, even Splinter, who had set up a temporary bed on the floor next to Don. Mikey had crept back into the room, taking much care not to wake his father up, and settled into his customary chair.

Scattered about on the floor and tables were some of the medical textbooks Don had managed to scrounge from various places. Michelangelo had been scanning through them, looking for every mention of Meningitis he could find to try to find if there was anything else he could do, but to no avail.

Every book agreed, even the websites that April had triple checked, confirmed that there was nothing else to do but wait… and see. _See if Don was going to wake… if he's gonna be alright…_

Mike reached out to hold Don's hand, needing to touch, and feel the warmth of his brother in his hand. Donnie's temperature had reduced a lot since he had been on the antibiotics, and he no longer felt like he was burning up. He had also stopped shivering, and stopped giving the almost inaudible moans that meant that he was in pain, for which Mikey was extremely grateful for.

He was worried, and coupled with that anxiousness was the weight of information that was pressing down on him. He had read the textbooks hoping to find reassurance, to find comfort in the knowledge of what they were dealing with. That's what Don would have done too, Mikey knew, and that was also part of his reasoning. However, instead of finding solace in what he read, it had struck him cold.

One small paragraph, just a few lines were enough to shake him to his core, and now his was suffocating under the pressure of too much information.

_I wonder if Donnie ever felt like __this._

April knew, Mikey was sure.

_She has to; she read the same stuff I have. No wonder she was acting so upset, she knows what might happen._

In his mind, Mikey kept on reading the same paragraph again and again. Only a few lines, at the bottom of a page. Like an afterthought. Insignificant. Ordinarily he wouldn't have even noticed it, as his typical habit of reading everything that wasn't a comic book was skimming down a page a fast pace, stopping when he saw something interesting, but the thought of helping Donatello had concentrated his mind like nothing else and yesterday he spotted the excerpt:

**What complications can result from bacterial meningitis?**

**Advanced bacterial meningitis can lead to brain damage, coma, and death. Survivors can suffer long-term complications, including hearing loss, mental retardation, paralysis, and seizures.**

**Brain damage**. At first he refused to believe it, and went through the other books with determined ferocity, glaring at each page, almost daring them to declare the same thing. And after ten minutes a medical journal surrendered another excerpt:

**Complications**

**There are several potential disabilities which result from damage to the nervous system. These include sensor neural hearing loss, epilepsy, diffuse brain swelling, hydrocephalus, cerebral vein thrombosis, intra cerebral bleeding and cerebral palsy. **

**Acute neurological complications may lead to adverse consequences.**

**In childhood acute bacterial meningitis deafness is the commonest serious complication. Sensor neural hearing loss often develops during first few days of the illness as a result of inner ear dysfunction, but permanent deafness is rare and can be prevented by prompt treatment of meningitis**

What did it mean for someone with Don's intelligence?

'Acute neurological complications may lead to adverse consequences' What did that _mean_ exactly? The phrase mental retardation from earlier repeated itself like a mantra over and over in Mikey's head.

The prospect that he could lose his mind? His brilliant genius?

_That's everything that makes Don who he is! If he doesn't have his mind, and his inventions, his SKILLS, what DOES he have? Will we still have our brother? __That he could become… __that__ he__…_

With these melancholy thoughts running through his mind, and silent tears trickling down his cheeks, Mikey drifted off to sleep without realising.

* * *

Opening his eyes he realised he had fallen asleep. Sensei was gone from the makeshift bed in the corner, and he could hear typical early morning sounds echoing from the kitchen. 

He heard movement outside the door and knew that it would either Sensei or Leo, on their way to come and get him to leave Don, and have breakfast. Mikey sighed, not feeling at all hungry, but resigned to the fact that Leo and Splinter usually refused to take no for an answer. Sure enough, after a cursory knock on the door, Leo poked his head around it.

"Mikey-"

"I'm not hungry." Mikey didn't even let him finish the sentence.

Leo sided into the room, and padded across to the bed, next to which Mikey was sitting. Sitting on the end of the bed, he looked exhausted, and Mike felt a pang of guilt at causing his brother even more worry.

"Mike, you have to eat. Splinter's on his way to sit with Don." Leo's voice was tired too, and to the point. Mikey, after studying his features, gave in. Stroking Donnie's arm, which still lay limp on the bed clothes, he stood and offered Leo a hand up, which he took. With a backwards glance at Don, Mikey followed Leo into the living area.

Leo sipped at a cup of tea as he watched Mikey push his eggs around the plate without making any attempt to eat them. _He needs to eat _something!_ He is going to make himself sick as well._ Leo opened his mouth to voice these thoughts, but Mikey could evidently read his expression.

"Don't, Leo, please, just don't start. I'm not hungry, those pills we have to take make me feel sick anyway, and I don't wanna end up puking all over the floor." Leo's mouth was still open as Mikey rattled off this at the speed of light. Closing his mouth, Leo relented and nodded wearily to Mikey, who took this as leave to sprint off back to Don's sick room. After a slight pause, Splinter emerged and gave Leo a jaded smile.

Leo was just as anxious and frustrated as Mikey. Two days and no signs of Don waking up? Leo was really beginning to loathe going into that room and seeing his usually bright and alert brother laying there like a vegetable.

Earlier, before he had gone in to see Mikey, he tried talking to Splinter, who reassured Leo that there was nothing to do but wait.

Resting a paw on Leo's shell, he had said comfortingly "I have faith that Donatello is strong enough to see this through" Leo, always respectful of his master, did not argue. And besides, if you couldn't believe Sensei, then who could you? Leo went over this again and again in his mind, but still couldn't settle his paranoid thoughts.

Raph felt the same way, Leo knew. Still, he had surprised Leo the other day, taking control of himself like that. _Sensei and I have been trying for YEARS to__ get him to control his emotions__ and outbursts_But Leo couldn't think of a time where Raph hadn't gone ballistic, or disappeared to let off steam via a few Purple Dragons, when confronted by a problem like this.

_That fight on the rooftops changed him. Or maybe he changed while I was gone_ Leo thought reflectively.

Not that Leo was complaining, god, no. A hot-tempered Raphael to deal with as well as everything else? Talk about problems! However, it was kind of unnerving, a calm, thoughtful Raphael. That's why Leo was partially glad to hear Raph taking his frustrations out on the punch bag in the dojo, as per his usual method of venting.

Sensei had postponed morning practice, quite obviously, for the past two mornings, but Raph had still woken up and disappeared into the dojo for hours these two days. Draining the last of his tea, Leo stood and made his way to the dojo door.

* * *

_Thump! Crump! – Thump! – Thump!_

The sounds of Raph pounding the punch bag echoed around the dojo, coupled with the sounds of Raph's heavy breathing and occasional muttering that Leo couldn't decipher. He was so intensely occupied by the pattern of his punches and the repetition of the exercise that he apparently wasn't aware of Leo creeping up behind him.

"Watcha want, Leo?"

Or maybe he was. Reflecting that this was the second time in as many days that Raph had surprised him, Leo answered "You wanna talk?" and realised how redundant that sounded.

"Talk? Ha! No. Not talk." Abruptly, Raph swung away from the punch bag, and went to retrieve a towel from the rack at the side of the room. Leo waited patiently for Raph to continue.

After a minute of standing with his shell to Leo, Raph span around. "I can't do this anymore Leo! Just sittin', and _talkin_', and waitin'! It's killing me! That I can't do nothing to–to… and that we don't KNOW what could still happen ta Donnie!" Raph's ranting suddenly changed direction. "How can you stand it? How can you stand there acting like nothing's wrong?! Drinking your tea, doing your meditating! Another day in the life of Leo!" Balling the towel up he hurled it across the dojo, where it caught the weapons rack and split them onto the floor with a crash.

"I can't stand it anymore than you can, bro" At the 'bro' Raph looked up from the carnage, and met Leo's eyes, saw them filled with understanding. "I'm sorry I can't do anything, for Donnie, or for you. If I could take away this burden from you all I would. But I can't" Leo sighed and moved to pick up the scattered weapons.

Raph hadn't moved. "Yeah, I know" he said hoarsely. His eyes were locked on Don's Bo, which had rolled over to his feet. Giving himself a mental shake, he reached down and grabbed the Bo. Felt the solid wood in his hand. Reliable. Dependable. _Just like Donnie, really._ Raph missed that quiet level-headed reliability of his younger brother, more than he ever thought he would.

Raph_ prayed_ that Donnie would wake up soon.

* * *

The pain was gone now. But the hazes, and the fog, were thicker than ever. It surrounded him, and it glittered, like a light shone through a crystal. 

Images swam through his mind, thoughts and ideas, but he didn't know who they belonged to. As he tried to focus, electrical sparks and lightning charges ran over the surface of the fog.

_That's not right._ And then he wondered where the thought had come from. _Did _I_ think that? Or__…__ someone else?_

The shards of his mind… were hard to navigate, and he was becoming worried. Even scared. He was lost. _Where __AM_ _I?_ _Where are my brothers?_

Paused, and the fog drifted slightly. Where had _that_ come from? What brothers?

Every time he seemed to get a grip on his… mind? It seemed to slip away again like an elusive eel.

On the edge of his hearing, he could hear a voice. It had been there a while. A constant murmur in the background. _Do I know you?_

He wanted to ask, but his eyes wouldn't open and his body wouldn't obey.

He felt like he should, the voice seemed to think so.

Suddenly the murmuring voice got louder, and more urgent.

He could see! He could see… shapes, figures, nothing recognisable. Dark shapes, moving further away. Through the fog- the glittering, moving fog.

_No… I want to stay…_

* * *

"Donnie! Donnie! Stay with us, please!" Mikey was frantically shaking his brother's arm and squeezing it. 

Donatello's eyes did not close, but the spark of intelligence they had shown a moment before faded back into nothing. He lay there, staring blankly ahead, unseeing.

"Don?" Mike's voice wavered questioningly. "Donnie, speak to me!" No response. _No! No, please god no!_

It was as he feared. Don was gone.

Mike fled from the room, leaving the body that used to be Donatello lying in the nest of blankets.

* * *

Raph and Leo exited the dojo in time to see Mikey streak from Don's sick room, making a bee-line for his own bedroom. 

Immediately jumping to the same conclusion, Raph and Leo sprinted for the room where Don lay, and found their Sensei joining them.

Raph got to Don's side first, and hesitated. Instead of what he was expecting to see, he came up short. Don's eyes were open; he was awake! Leo pushed past Raph and knelt next to the bed, Splinter took a place standing next to him. All three gazed at Don expectantly.

"Donnie? You okay bud?" Leo finally broke the silence. Raph held his breath, and Splinter looked worried when Donatello didn't answer.

"Don? Can ya hear us?" Raph's voice came out a little strained. Don carried on looking unblinking at the ceiling. "Why isn't he responding?" Raph exchanged a look of concern with Leo, and Splinter spoke up, speaking quietly.

"I think we need not worry quite yet. The internet documents that Miss O'Neil was kind enough to find and print out for us mentioned that this is often the second stage of a coma. It appears she was correct in her original assessment of Donatello's persistent unconsciousness" He gave a heavy sigh. "According to what I have read, Donatello will begin to become more aware and slowly regain his sense of self and surroundings. It is not always an instant awakening, like it is on TV."

He rested a comforting paw on Leo's shoulder, and another on Raph's arm. "Do not give up hope, my sons. Recovery from such a severe illness is slow, yes, but Donatello is strong of will. I believe he will recover"

With a last reassuring pat to the both of them, Splinter moved to Don's left side to check on the IV.

"Why did Mike take off outta here like a streak a' lightning if Don's not… er, if Don's okay?" Raph posed the question to Leo, who still hadn't moved from his kneeling position.

"I'm sorry, what?" Leo blinked, pulled from his inner anxieties. He ran what Raph just said through his mind again. "I'm not sure. He's been with Don all this time, do you think something happened?"

Remembering what happened last time Mikey was present when Don woke up, Raph grew anxious. "I hope not, let's go ask him, yeah?" Don's empty brown eyes were unnerving Raph, and making him antsy. Leo's attention had drifted back to Don, brow furrowed in obvious worry.

"Leo!" Leo physically jumped at the sound of Raph's voice, and then nodding, rose to his feet.

* * *

Michelangelo's chest heaved with sobs, as he lay plastron down on his bed with his face buried in the pillow. It was as he feared! Don wasn't going to come back! 

Mikey's source of despair stemmed from the secret that Don had departed to him years ago, after coming back from Area 51, when Don had been infected with the outbreak virus.

_Donnie was sitting at his computer workstation in the corner of the lair__ typing away__, and had been for hours now. __Leo had finally relented enough to let Don get up and move from his bed, after the latter__'s__ insistence that he would go insane if he had to lay there and stare at four __blank __walls for one more day. _

_Mikey was watching some old Horror Movie Marathon, which was running all night. Leo had departed after movie one started__directing__ a warning at Don not to stay up too late __(Nightmare on Elm Street; a classic, dude! You__ don't know what ya missing!),__ followed shortly by Raph after sitting through half an hour of dated special effects and 'unrealistic' blood (__It's showing its age now, Mikey, it's just not scary anymore!) leaving Mikey enthralled in the TV and Donnie tapping away on his __computer._

_After a few hours, and more teenage deaths than you could count, Mikey grew bored and snapped off the TV. It then dawned on him that he hadn't heard Don's keyboard for a while. Looking around, expecting to see Don slumped asleep in his chair, he instead saw Don just staring off into space, zoned out totally, __and still__ facing his computer._

_"Donnie! Yo Dude! Heelloo?" With a start, Don's head snapped around to face Mike's grinning one.__ "Where were you?"_

_Don heaved a sigh "Just… thinking"__ His expression stayed dour, and his usually expressive eyes were dark. Mikey tried to lighten his mood._

_"You do waay too much of that for your own good, ya know?" Mikey bounced up and joined Don next to his computer. "You need to ta learn to switch off that big brain o' yours sometimes!"__ Gave Don a trademark Mikey 100 watt grin, and bumped into Don's shoulder affectionately._

_Don just sighed again, and dragged his hands down his face. "That's just what I _don't_ need to do" He kept his head down, chin pointed into his plastron._

Oookaay_, Mikey dragged the thought out in his head__. "Why not? I should think it would be a relief, not to have to think, and _worry_, about everything all the time?"_

_Mikey emphasised the word worry as he suspected that was what was bothering his sibling. Don hadn't really opened up to anyone about the change that he had experienced, nor discussed it at any length beyond what __trouble __Mikey, Leo and Raph had gone through for him. __Mikey couldn't help but wonder if the whole 'Monster Don' thing had upset Donnie more than anyone realised._

_Not for the first time, Mikey wondered what was going on in Donatello's head._

_Don had picked up Mikey's subtle emphasis too. "I can't help it, Mikey. I can't help thinking about the possibility of something like__ that__ happening again"_

_Mikey hooked a chair with his foot and dragged it over to sit next to Donatello. "Is it likely, bro? LH said the virus had been… eliminated from your system. Doesn't that mean it__'s__ gone?" He ended in a sing-song voice that you would use to a child__, and smiled warmly at his brother._

_"Yes. Yes of course" Don said quietly "But I really meant… losing control like that__ again__. Not-Not being able to _think_, just reacting on instincts. I mean, I nearly-nearly hurt you-" _

_"You didn't know what you were doin', bro" Mikey interrupted, trying to comfort Don, but apparently this was the wrong thing to say.__ Mikey watched, taken aback as his usually reserved brother__ broke down in front of him._

_"THAT'S __the point__! I wasn't in control;__ my brain had shut down, I wasn't in charge of my actions! Just-just a slave to my animalistic side!__ I__-I__ didn't know what I was doing; I nearly hurt you and__-and__ Leo had to tranquilise me!__" Don swallowed hard, trying to push away the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him._

_"__But i__t wasn't __me;__it was some monster acting in my place with no thoughts, or feelings, just actions! What if-if it happens again! What if I lose myself… and some _monster_ takes my place!-" _

_At this point, Mikey wrapped his arms around Donnie in a brotherly hug, and felt him __give a __sob against his shoulder. He was too shocked at Don's uncharacteristic outburst to do more than rub his hand in comforting circles on Don's shell. But Don's words still came pouring out._

_"I could sort of see what was going on…__ in the beginning.__B__ut I couldn't get my inner thoughts out into actions! It was like being an observer in my own mind, and-and I hated it! __As it went on, it got harder and harder to-to- to think, I just… gave in. I can't remember much 'bout that… and that scares me too. __To lose my m-mind__ and memories… it was-__ it's the worst thing that's ever happened to m-me__. A__ll the injuries in the world I-I could live with, ya know? __Losing a limb? Maybe. __I could deal. __But-bu__t my mind? Never my mind!__"_

Michelangelo sobbed in sympathy for Donatello.

He knew from then that Don losing his intellect was Donnie's worst nightmare, proved by the many nightmares he had after that night. Nightmares that made him tremble while Mikey sat in bed with him and tried to comfort him.

As far as Mikey knew, his other brothers weren't aware of Don's secret fear. And after a few months, the nightmares stopped, and everything went back to normal. Donnie had never mentioned it again, and Mikey never saw the need to, just felt privileged Don had chosen him to confide in.

He hadn't even thought of that night until Don woke up, confused, not recognising him. That look of fear on Don's face… It had brought it all back. Mikey wrapped his arms around the pillows and buried his head deeper into them.

"Mikey." Leo's voice called softly through the door, interrupting Mikey's thoughts. He tapped gently on the door, and then was dragged roughly out of the way by Raphael, who just grabbed the doorknob and pushed inside.

"Mike- " Raph stopped at the sight of his almost-hysterical little brother. "What's wrong?" he asked in a softer tone of voice, and sat down on the bed, which caused Mikey's head to twitch so he could make sideways eye contact with Raph.

"Don's gone" He whispered hoarsely. Leo came and sat on Mikey's other side, patting him awkwardly on the shell.

"No he's not, Mikey, he's awake!" Mikey turned his head so it was now facing Leo.

"He is- His body is… but his mind, his Don-ness… isn't there! You must have seen it Leo!" Mikey knew that his older sibling knew what he meant, he had to!

"Yes..." Leo didn't meet Raph's gaze as he said it. "But… Splinter says that's just part of the coma, and he'll become more awake and aware in a few days"

Mikey just gulped and took a shaky breath. "Do you believe him?"

_Of course I do, he's our master and father!_ Leo's mind shouted, but as he looked at Mikey's face and remembered what anxieties he'd felt when he'd seen Don's prone figure, he began to doubt.

_Splinter isn't a doctor_, Leo reminded himself. Still, he had to hope… or at least wait - and see. "It's still too early to tell, Mike" Leo cleared his throat.

"Try-try not to worry unnecessarily yet. Give Don a day or two before- before…" Here Leo had an inspiration. "Before you give up on him completely" He crossed his fingers for the right response, and Mike didn't disappoint.

"I-I wasn't! Oh god Leo, I wasn't giving up on him!" Mikey swung off his stomach and turned about in bed so he was sitting with his shell to the headboard, blue eyes looking plaintively at Leo and Raph. "How could you think that?"

He swung his gaze between Raph and Leo, who were both looking at him with small smirks, and felt like slapping them. "Jerks! I was just… scared is all. When Don looked like that, it reminded me of something I read in one of Don's books. Something… something about brain damage."

There! He'd said it; put a voice to the worry that had been running round and round his head screaming to be let out.

"I kinda figured it might have been somethin' like that" Raph contributed, looking at Mikey with his head tilted sideways.

"You-you did?" Leo and Mikey both stared at Raph, who blinked right back at them.

"Well, yeah. What with Leo's Ominous R Us vibes on my mind, I read the same books you did Mike, after you were finished with them. Just in case. Ya know. That I could learn somethin' ta help." Raph's sentences were getting shorter, and he was absently rubbed his shoulder, a sure sign he was feeling embarrassed. "Ya mean you've been sittin' and worrin' about that all by yourself?" He asked Mikey, trying to shift the focus onto him instead. Mikey looked down.

"Yeah. Well, I wasn't really sure, so I figured I'd better wait until Donnie woke up, and then he did and-and" The tears that had dried up so soon before threatened to make another appearance. "And I _saw_ him, his eyes opened and it was _Don- _it really was, but then he faded… and I – I thought the worst. That he wasn't coming back."

Raph huffed, and swung an arm around Mikey's neck. "Oh for god's sake! Come 'ere!" and he dragged Mikey into a bone crushing hug.

Leo looked on, and suddenly Raph stretched out his other arm and pulled Leo into the hug too. "Ok, here's the deal. Don's awake. He's gonna become _more _awake, and that's when we find out if he's OK. Which he will be. Cos he's Don. Right? He's NEVER let us down before, and he ain't gonna start now, yeah?" Raph released Leo and Mike.

"Yeah?" He asked again, louder, and Leo nodded, along with Mikey, who was trying to smile.

"Yeah."


	8. Chapter 8

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!**

**Thanks!**

**Comet-an-Me – I was kinda sadistic about how I phrased that section where Don woke up. But I'm not a great writer of death fics, although I have read some really good ones. So expect lots of angst, but (hopefully) no character deaths. (I say hopefully, cause although I've got the chaps all planned out, a plot bunny attack could always be around the corner. :****D **

**Teoryn – ****You are always so kind, and I love the way you phrase your words (in reviews as well as in fics!) I am a great fan of symbolism too, in writing and in art. When I'm working on a piece of art, it's so easy, but in fics, I've found it difficult, as you say, to do without being so obvious it's like being hit by an anvil. I'm grateful, as ever for you review and your encouragement.**

**Paint-Mare – Thanks! And- funny, really, but I don't swear. Ever. Not even the 'soft swears'. But when I'm trying to write Raph, he kinda brings it out of me. I'm sorry if I offended you, or anyone else for that matter. And Raph's gonna be watching his mouth a little closer from now on. ;)**

**LadyDragonRain – Thank you so much for your kind review. (As a side note – ANYONE WHO WANTS A GOOD ANGST/ TRADEGY FIC – GO READ SHADOWS TO THE UNSEEN BY LADYDRAGONRAIN. LIKE, NOW. OK wait. You can read my fic first. ;) )**

**Disclaimer – Yeah, you know what I'm gonna say.**

* * *

Splinter sat silent next to the bed Donatello lay in, watching him breathe. Gentle, relaxed breaths, quite unlike a few days previous. His wide open eyes had relaxed slightly, and now you could only make out slivers of shine between the eyelids. 

Splinter closed his own eyes and turned his gaze inward.

He was currently feeling intense pride towards all of his sons, at their solidarity and strength through this difficult time.

Strange that such a dreadful occasion could bring them together and mend so many problems between them.

He had watched, unobserved, a few days ago as Raphael emotionally grew up and avoided taking his frustrations out on Leonardo, and just an hour or two ago, how he reassured both Leonardo and Michelangelo and tried to take away their fears. Splinter dared to hope that Raphael had finally mastered the mental discipline to avoid such devastating arguments such as the one a few months ago with Leonardo on the rooftops.

He was also reassured at the way Leonardo was now acting towards the other two, more like a brother than a leader. It was a difficult balance to get right, not helped by the fact that he had been away for so long training to be a better leader. Splinter had secretly afraid that Leonardo had forgotten the 'brother' part of himself.

Michelangelo had grown up too, perhaps all too aware of how much Donatello actually had done for them all, and was trying to repay the favour by researching as much as he could to help him in return.

As sad as it was, Donatello's illness had done a great deal towards healing them all as a family.

As Splinter finished his meditations, he opened his eyes and studied Donatello's figure again.

He was somewhat anxious about the fact that Donatello had not eaten in nearly four days, but he had spoken to Miss O'Neil on the phone earlier in the day, and she had calmed his fears, telling Splinter that the saline solution would keep him hydrated, which was the greatest importance. The fact that he was starting to awaken meant that soon they could try feeding him soup or custard, to give his stomach to work on.

It dawned on Splinter that he hadn't heard from his other sons for a few hours now. Now Donatello's fever had resided, it was surely safe to leave him for a minute or two? Resolving to go check on the others, he rose and exited.

Making a detour to the kitchen, Splinter set the kettle on to boil to make a cup of tea, and then made his way up to the second floor. Pausing outside Michelangelo's door, he listened, lest he should interrupt a private moment between the brothers. Hearing nothing but sounds of breathing, Splinter pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Michelangelo was curled up at the head of the bed, clutching Leo's bandana tails in his hand. Leonardo was laying with his shell to Mikey, and one arm draped across Raphael's chest, who was lying on his shell snoring softly.

Splinter was forcibly reminded of when they were small children and how he used to walk into the living area after an unusually silent period to find all four of them snuggled together like this, exhausted with the days play. Smiling to himself, Splinter stepped out as quietly as only a ninja could, and gently pulled the door to, behind him.

* * *

Shapes and colours. All meshing and blurring into one another. A faint scent of-of… flowers? 

He fought to get closer to the colours. It was hard, but not as hard as it was before.

And suddenly, it was like breaking through a pane of glass dividing the two worlds. It shattered, and then he was there! He was in control! He could see! He could blink!

The moment of elation faded as he wasn't exactly sure where 'there' was, and why it was good to be in control. He felt odd. Floating, with unusual words in his head, and weird pictures flitting through his mind.

Turning his head slightly, he could feel a residual ache in his head, but nothing like the pain he had been used to, so he ignored it for now. He was more interested in what he could see, which wasn't a great deal. After a duration the thought occurred that he should try to sit up.

His arms felt weak and uncoordinated, but he pulled them up and planted his hands either side of his hips. It was then he noticed the needle and the IV tube. Abandoning his attempt to sit for a moment, he raised his left hand to his face, noticing a slight delay between thinking the movement, and having it actioned. _Don't focus on that now. _

Turning his hand this way and that, he tried to bring to mind what the contraption sticking out of it was for.

What was frustrating him was that he had seen it before; he was sure he had. But his memories were like a shattered mirror. _Intra__…__something_ was all he could manage, before the thought slipped away and hid.

Giving up on the thought for now, he slid his hands back in position and tried to push himself upright, but he couldn't seem to muster the strength and only succeeded in turning slightly.

Shifting his position had caused the room to move. It was turning round and round him and he squeezed his eyes shut in defence. After a while, he felt it begin to slow down and when he opened his eyes it had stopped. He had pushed himself onto his right side.

Looking around the room, he could see…

White and red candles. As he gazed at them he felt a jagged shard of shattered memory stab at him, a fleeting flash of blue and green, and also grey. It was gone so fast; he wasn't really sure what he had thought at all.

A framed picture, two golden birds flying into a red background. _Cranes_, his brain volunteered, and he worried briefly how he knew that.

A grey figure, standing in the doorway holding a small tray with a china cup. The figure was intent on the tray, and was not looking at him. The figure was moving into the room now, and the one in the bed's breath was coming faster as he was trying to decide what to do.

Fortunately, the grey figure solved the problem by lifting his head and glancing towards where he lay. The figure froze. "Donatello!" Abandoning the tray on a small table, the figure moved quickly towards him. "My son!" The grey one reached out a clawed hand, and hesitated as the bed-ridden one shied away from him.

"Who-who…" This was the first time he'd tried to speak, and he couldn't make the words! Suddenly frustrated with his own mind, and the dull persistent ache in his head, he clasped his temples and groaned. He had the ambivalent feeling of security, but also fear around this grey stranger. _I feel… I should… _know_… you, but-_

_I don't…_

* * *

Splinter padded quietly back down into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of hot tea. Placing it onto a small tray, he made his way back into what was originally his bedroom. Preoccupied with not letting his cup spill as he opened the door, he was not aware of any changes in the room's atmosphere until he heard Donatello's panting for breath. 

Lifting his head, Splinter's heart jumped into his mouth as he realised his son was awake.

"Donatello!" He placed the tray on the table without averting his gaze from his son, and moved towards the bed.

A look of fear flashed across Donatello's face and Splinter stopped, puzzled. Donatello was frowning, eyes screwed up in frustration, and Splinter did not like the look of frantic bewilderment that graced his features as well as the fear. He hesitated, simply standing silently watching Donatello as he peered around the room as if searching for something, and saw his mouth trying to frame words…

"Who-who…" Abruptly, Donatello grasped his head with both hands and gave a groan that squeezed Splinter's heart. Unable to hold back any longer, Splinter moved rapidly to Donatello's side and wrapped him in a hug, feeling him tremble against him. After a moment, Donatello hesitantly raised his arms around Splinter in return.

"I-I can't…" Donatello choked out. He drew in a breath and let out what sounded like a sob.

"Can't what, my son?" Splinter rubbed reassuring circles on the top of his head, and felt Donatello relax slightly against him.

"I…. I…. Don't…." Donatello let a frustrated strangled sob. "I… Can't…. Remember…."

"You've been ill my son. Very ill, but its good news you're awake now. That means you are on the mend" Splinter told him softly.

"No…. I-I…" Donatello's face was twisted in despair at his inability to get his point across. "I-I… don't…. rem-ember… _you._ I-I'm…. sorry"

Splinter's eyes widened in worry, but he did not let his body show his shock. "What- what do you mean, my son?" He withdrew from the hug, but still stroked the back of Donatello's head comfortingly. Don's face was panicked, and his eyes still glittered with tears.

"I…." Again Donatello let a frustrated groan, and Splinter gently shushed him "I… know I…. should know…. you…. You make me…. Feel safe…" Donatello breathed in deeply, "You… are familiar… but-but" Don stopped, staring into space.

"You can't remember my name?" Donatello nodded as the tears spilled forth from his eyes.

Splinter visually examined his troubled son. His fractured, indecisive speech was cause for concern from someone who spoke as succinctly as Donatello, and worried Splinter much more than the memory loss. It seemed that Donatello had to search his mind for every word before speaking them.

"My name is Splinter, and you call me your father, but also your master" He addressed Donatello again, and looking into his eyes saw them light up momentarily.

"Fath-er! Yes…. You… took-take care…. of-of us" Donatello frowned, and peered around the room again "Wh-where are…. my brothers?"

"They are sleeping Donatello, but I'll go and wake them. They will want to see you are awake." Giving him one last pat, Splinter slipped away again leaving Donatello alone with his thoughts.

"Splint-er…" He said to himself, and smiled at the recollection of the hug he had received. _Felt… so nice. …my father… and my brothers. Been so long… since I saw… them._ Coming back to himself, Don blinked as a green and orange blur burst through the door, accompanied by someone yelling… his name?

"Donniedonniedonnie!" Mikey flew over to the bed where Don lay and squeezed him tightly. Don went rigid in his arms, and Mikey drew back immediately, afraid that he'd hurt Don. "Sorry Donnie! How are you feeling?"

"O-kay." Don's voice was distant, like he was answering a stranger.

Raphael and Leo exploded through the door in a rush, followed by Splinter, who was trying to get them to calm down.

"Donnie! It's great that you're awake!" Leo exclaimed gratefully, a smile plastered all over his face, and Raph grinned in sympathy.

"Yeah, ya had us worried there, brainiac!"

Mikey was still fixated on the fact that Donnie was being so cold to him. "What's up, Donnie? Are you still feeling bad? Are-are you mad at me?" He couldn't for the life of him think why Don would be, but he was acting so strange and distant.

"N-n-no… I'm n-not mad…" Don's expression had a tense look to it, and Splinter drew nearer, anxious. "J-just…. when…ah… where are my… mothers….ack!" A frustrated noise, then he carried on. "B-b-brothers?"

The three turtles looked at Don uncomprehendingly. Splinter sat on the bed, and helped raise Don into a sitting position, his shell resting against the headboard. "What do you mean, my son? Your brothers are right here" He said gesturing at them.

Don shook his head, once, and then put his hand to his head as if that had pained him. "No… no… my brothers are…." he broke off and paused to think "small-er…" He emphasised this with his hands.

Mikey drew away, lip trembling. Raph saw what was going through his mind, and looped an arm around his shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze. After a glance at Splinter, he moved around the bed and sat next to Don opposite his master.

"Donatello, it's true your brothers were smaller, but that was a long time ago. They've grown up. _You've_ grown up. Look." Splinter pointed across to Raphael, and Don followed his gesture obediently. "Look at Raphael. You must see the resemblance to the small turtle you can remember"

Don stared at Raph. Really stared, his eyes travelling over every inch, until Raph started to get uncomfortable. However, he was rewarded when Don tentatively whispered,

"R-Raphie?" Raph's face cracked into a lop-sided smile.

"Yeah Donnie, it's me." He clapped Don on the shoulder.

"R-r-raphie…" Don gulped and looked to the other two standing back. Held out a hand to Mikey, who grasped it in a death grip. "Mmmikey! Got…. so…. big. Why can-nt… I-I… 'member?" He looked upset. Raph and Mikey exchanged glances, lost for an explanation that wouldn't take hours, but Don was speaking again.

"L'o" Gave a shy smile to Leo, the thought evidently already forgotten.

Leo's mouth was so dry he had to swallow hard before replying "Donnie. How are you feeling?"

"Ti'red." His eyes were already closing, but Splinter gave his arm a little shake.

"Donatello, can you manage to eat, do you think?" He knew that his son needed to rest, but was worried about how little nourishment he had had.

"Mmm" Donatello cracked his eyes open again and blinked at his Sensei. "Y-es… father" Splinter smiled as he said the word, but Leo caught the sad light in his eyes when he turned away to go fix Don something to eat.

"I'll help you, Sensei" Leo scurried after Splinter, hating the feeling of relief he got as he exited the bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

**Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!**

**Any observations, criticism, advice please feel free to give!**

**Thanks!**

**LunarLotis – Thanks, I guess!**

**Dark Duchess of the Underworld – Thanks for the encouragement, and yes I express my love of characters by making them suffer. A psychiatrist would have a field day with MY brain.**

**Teoryn – ****Thanks as always, I've made the adjustment you suggested. I can't believe I didn't catch that. The formatting in my Word doc. made it seem Splinter had his own line already. Only when it got transferred to FF did it become apparent he didn't! Thanks for your feedback ;)**

**D - Here you go. 'Hands over Chapter'**

**Cometanme – Can't make any promises 'grins evilly' ;)**

**Sorry the Chapters a bit later than planned. Had a major dose of Real Life recently.**

**Also, as I work in retail electronics and Christmas is on the way (don't remind me, I am **_**so**_** disorganised) work is stepping up and I may not be ****able to post weekly even. I will try, I want to finish this! But just consider this a pre-emptive apology for the wait between chapters. :D**

**Disclaimer – ****I don't own anything**** Except the TMNT 2007 DVD. Hee!**

* * *

Splinter moved around the kitchen methodically, opening a tin of soup, emptying the contents into a saucepan. Placing the pan on the cooker. Lighting the gas.

All the time, he was aware that Leonardo was watching him, waiting for him to make a comment.

Splinter could feel the discomfort coming off Leonardo in waves, but knew it would be futile to try and get him to admit that his brother was making him uneasy. Instead, he just carried on padding around the kitchen making Donatello something to eat that would be easy to digest. Finally, Leo spoke up.

"Sensei-" He paused, unsure of how to phrase the next question. Splinter stopped and turned to face Leonardo.

"What's… what's going to happen to Don?" What went unspoken was: _is__ this permanent?_ Leo hated himself for feeling this way, but the way that Don was acting at the moment unsettled him unlike anything else.

Splinter pondered his answer. "I do not know, Leonardo. He has been very ill, and needs more than a few days to recover fully. As they say, only time will tell"

He turned his back to Leonardo, with the pretence of pouring Donatello's soup into a bowl, but it was a cover to avoid Leonardo seeing his own look of worry. The only option available was patience.

"Come, Leonardo, let us take your brother his soup" Splinter had placed the bowl on a tray and was turning towards Don's sick room.

"Actually, Sensei, I'd better call April and Casey, let them know Don's awake" Leo shifted his position. A tell from childhood, it let Splinter know that Leo wasn't telling him the whole truth about what he was thinking.

Splinter eyed Leo carefully, then nodded assent. "It is a good idea, I am sure Miss O'Neil and Mr Jones will be happy to hear Donatello is feeling better" and he moved across the living area, leaving Leo alone with his thoughts.

* * *

As Splinter moved into the bedroom, he was pleased to see that Donatello was still awake, although he had been laid back down by considerate brothers. His brown eyes, normally so alert, were half closed but roaming between Raph and Mikey's faces as they conversed softly over him. Every so often they would address a remark to Don, but he seldom said anything in reply, instead preferring to smile or nod gently to prove he was listening.

"Donatello, I have some soup for you to try" Mikey moved from his brother's side to allow Splinter access, and Raph gently raised Don into a sitting position again.

Don's head rang alarm bells at the movement, but quickly the dizziness subsided, and he gave a half-smile to Splinter who sat ready with the tray. "Ooo-Kay"

Splinter placed the tray across his lap, and offered Don the spoon. After a noticeable hesitation, Donatello made a grab for the spoon. And missed. "Sorry…" He whispered, and tried again, this time making contact but then dropping it immediately.

"Sorry… sorry…" He apologised again, tears starting to appear in his eyes. Raph looked away from the spectacle, head bowed.

Mikey reached for the spoon and placed it into Don's hand, smiling a rather watery smile of his own, "Don't say sorry, Donnie! You're still sick, so stuff's still gonna be a bit difficult. But it'll get better, yeah?" Don dug the spoon into the soup forcefully and showered himself and Splinter with it. Don's face crumpled, and Mikey tactfully removed the spoon as Splinter carefully wiped Don's face with a small towel.

"How 'bout I handle this for you for today?" Mikey asked, gesturing with the spoon. Don looked miserable, but nodded. Splinter and Mike changed positions and Mikey loaded the spoon with soup. Don's attention however was on Raph, who had turned back to the bed but still had his head bowed.

"Raphie… sad?" he asked brokenly. Mikey sighed at his brother's childish language, and Raph brought his head up to meet Don's eyes.

"No, Don, just tired. It's been, ah, a tough few days" _And it ain't over yet apparently_. Raph watched as Mikey spoon-fed Donnie, the _genius_, like a toddler.

"Where'd Leo go?" Raph asked Splinter, after a couple of minutes.

"He is informing Miss O'Neil and Mr Jones that Donatello is awake and lucid" Splinter answered with his eyes on Donatello. Mikey had fed him about half the bowl, and Don was shying away from the spoon now.

"Nnno…. more. No-t hungry… now" Don was saying.

"C'mon Donnie, please?" Mikey was pressing him, but the rat intervened.

"Michelangelo, it is okay. He has had something. It is best if he just has food little and often for now" Mikey nodded, and after helping Donnie lay back down, he took the bowl out into the kitchen area.

"Master Splinter, what's up with Don? Really? He's talkin' and actin' like a kid! What-what does it mean? Is-is he gonna be like this forever?" Raph was almost afraid of the answer, and steeled himself.

And he was surprised when none was forthcoming. Splinter was fussing around Don, checking the IV, pulling up the covers, stroking Don's forehead, who smiled a sleepy, crooked smile up at him and closed his eyes. It was only then that Splinter answered Raph, in a low voice.

"I do not know, my son"

Raph blinked. Splinter was always so… so full of wisdom and advice. He invariably managed to enter a conversation and instinctively know exactly what to say to reassure them all. This was the first time that Raphael had witnessed his father admitting that he wasn't sure of anything. And that scared him. Not knowing how to deal with the fear, he fell back on the familiar.

"Whadda mean you don't know? How can you not know? Is Don brain-damaged? Is he gonna better? Is he gonna get _worse_? You can't just- you can't" Raph bit back the rest of his words at the look on Splinter's face.

"You _will_ lower your voice when you speak to me Raphael, not only because you will disturb your brother" Splinter hissed. Raph took a couple of deep breaths, and went on in a lower tone of voice which still did not disguise his anger.

"But you must have an idea! You an' Leo, always goin' on about meditation givin' ya insight an' shi… ah, stuff! That just goes out the window, does it, when Don's involved? Is Don not important enough to get mystical help, huh?" Raph was on dangerous ground now, but didn't care. Splinter had gone very still and silent, which only happened when he was intensely angry.

"Is that why ya left Don to it while Leo was away?" Thoughts only now dawning on him begged to spill out and be heard. "Leo, Splinter's favourite, disappears for months. Donnie has step up, and God, isn't it disappointing? He ain't Leo, and you hate him for it! You wouldn't give him help when he asked for it then, and ya won't now-" Raph's tirade ended when a paw backhanded him across the face.

"How dare you stand there and accuse me of favouring one son over another Raphael." Every word ground out through gritted teeth. "No matter which of my sons were lying in that bed right now, I would help them if I could. If I could tell you what's going to happen I would, of course I would. But the simple fact is, I _don't know_. And it pains me to say it." Splinter was breathing heavy as well, and his tail was lashing to and fro. The pair of them stood glaring at each other, both waiting for the other to make the first move. Unsurprisingly, Raph broke first.

"Fine, OK, whatever. I'm outta here" and he was gone.

Splinter followed him with his gaze, still angry, and did not see the two orbs of brown watching them both fearfully from the bed.


End file.
